#when they had the last entire semester + whatever is of this semester so far to do it

[landopoet]

meet me halfway.

pairing lando x reader, university au

synopsis in which lando doesn’t learn from his past and lets you back into his orbit.

warnings 6k words of pure angst, no use of y/n

author’s note heyhey, here’s part two to somewhere in between, and boyyy is it heavy. hope you enjoy <3

₊ ⊹

Lando sat in a cramped lecture hall.

The professor was talking about something Lando swore he had heard before, so he paid no mind to it as he scribbled down a few keywords here and there. He knew the professor would send out a PDF of his entire lecture to the class, anyway, so why bother?

It was his overall second semester— first full one at this new university— and so far he thought it was fine.

This university was bigger, rooted deeper inside the city, yet it lacked some things. It lacked the cafe he would get lunch at everyday, it lacked the people he calls friends, it lacked… you.

Lando shook his head as if it’d erase the thought of you like an etch-a-sketch. He couldn’t be thinking of you, not when he knew you were probably somewhere doing big things. You had that way of life.

As his wrist sloppily swayed across the page, his attention became divided between whatever words the professor was saying, and the opening of the lecture hall’s door. The entire room brought its attention to the curious personality that just burst in.

She was something of a mess— messenger bag slung on her shoulder, just about to slip off, and hair in a bun, stray hairs wisping from it– in a charming way. She wore one of those green rain coats that look almost denim with rusty gold buttons. She excused herself and found a seat, breathless and stern.

Lando watched as she took the seat in the row below him, and it took a second but he realised that she was… you.

He froze. He had thought over every instance in which he’d see you again— at the grocery store, at a cafe, at some sort of event to which both your universities were invited— but he hadn’t predicted this.

Something inside him sparked. Something forced him to lean forward, just close enough to be in your earshot and say, “don’t you hate the rain?”

The look on your face when you turned around told him everything. The way the colour drained from your skin, yet a certain glint in your eye waved hello and invited him back in. And he wasn’t sure he’d be able to say no.

—

You found yourselves touring the campus of Lando’s university.

He hadn’t changed much since the last time you saw him— his hair still messily cascaded down his neck in wild waves, perfectly complimenting his tan skin. He had retained that same sort of glow to him, but something about him was particularly different. You couldn’t place your finger on it.

There were many questions on the tip of your tongue. Like had he regretted leaving you? Did he miss you? Had he been thinking about you, like you had been about him?

Instead, you asked the simplest question that came to mind. “How’s university?”

Lando shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“Just fine?”

He hesitated, then scratched the back of his neck. “It’s different, I guess.”

You two had stopped in front of a bench and he instinctively sat down. You followed his lead. “Different how?”

A long silence followed. He felt your eyes bore into him like you were expecting some profound answer, like he owed you something grandeur or extravagant. In reality, “the people, they’re not… you.”

Lando watched you swallow harshly, your eyes darting around like it’d blind you to look at him. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“The professor,” you swallowed again, a lump in your throat so thick you felt it silence your already quiet voice. “He worked at our- my university during the last semester and asked some of us to attend the lecture here, for extra credits.”

Something in Lando’s heart broke— or rather chipped off. He knew it was stupid to hope you’d track him down, find where he was studying and transfer there too, just to try again. He knew it was stupid, but he hoped so anyway.

Lando shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. “Do you think about it?”

He didn’t need to define it. Both of you knew what he meant. It hung above the two of you like a dark cloud, like something so unavoidable that you had to talk about it to let it go— or maybe let it back in?

You didn’t pretend not to understand. “Yeah.”

Lando looked down at his shoes, suddenly finding his shoelaces particularly interesting to look at. “Me too.”

You took a slow breath. “I never understood why you called me that night.”

“I was drunk enough to be honest about this.” He shrugged, trying to seem casual about the least casual thing he’d ever done.

“Honest about what?”

Lando’s eyes finally looked back at yours. “What I felt after you broke me. I never stopped caring about you, just stopped thinking I had the right to.”

The words knocked the air right out of your lungs.

You wanted to be angry, to ask him why he had to admit to this now, why he didn’t fight for you before. Instead, you whispered, “you left.”

“I know.” Lando felt his jaw tighten.

“But you didn’t have to.”

“Yes, I did,” his voice was quiet but firm. “You gave me no choice. If I stayed, I would have kept waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen.”

You flinched, brows furrowing. “That’s not fair, Lando.”

A bitter laugh left his lips. “You never wanted to need me, but I kept hoping you would.”

You felt like you were unraveling, thread by thread. “I was scared,” you admitted, voice quiet. “I didn’t know how to–“

“I know,” Lando interrupted. “Not knowing how didn’t change anything. I called you because a part of me was still waiting for something. I thought you’d at least throw me a bone, but you left me hungry for something I’m not even sure I ever had.”

That evening, Lando fell asleep with a heavy feeling in his chest. Like something was dislodged from its place and the only way to fix it was to shove that feeling down.

Which meant he’d be shoving you down and out of his life. He’s not sure if he’s ready to lose you again, when he just got you back.

—

Lando had been slacking. He had assignments he needed to catch up on, tests he failed, classes he was missing.

He had spent a lot of time in the campus cafe, trying to catch up, to not lose his potential. He lost it when he lost you, but he knows he can regain himself. If Lando just stops thinking about you, maybe then he’ll—

“Hey,” your voice rang in his ears. When he glanced up at you, he saw you were holding two paper cups. “I got an extra by accident, want it? It’s peppermint tea with honey and lemon, heard it’s good for brain power or something.”

Lando bit back a smile at you echoing his words. He watched as you sat down, the pit in his stomach growing as you slid the cup across the table. “Thanks.” He looked back down to his notes, scribbling down stuff from the book in front of him.

It was a lot warmer outside this time around than the last time you two shared a cup of tea together. Last time, you two were a lot warmer to each other, too.

“What’re you reading?” You nudge your chin towards his book.

Lando briefly glances up to you again, the irony of your words hitting him as you speak them. “Just something for class.”

He watches as your shoulders rise with a slight laugh. “Since when do you read?”

It came out a lot bitchier than you intended and Lando narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know. Things change.”

A silence settled between you two as he continued scribbling down notes, trying to ignore the ache in his chest when he’d catch a glimpse of you in his peripheral vision.

“Y’know, I’ll be here for a while. You’ll be waiting for at least a few more hours,” he mumbled as he took a sip of the tea you brought him.

Your shoulders rose and fell with a shrug. “That’s fine, I’m free all day.”

“No assignments you need to do? Readings?” He looked back up at you again, curiosity tracing his features.

“Nope, did that on the weekend,” you slightly smiled. “Just a party later.”

“Party,” he nodded, a bitter taste left on his tongue as the word fell from his lips. “You should go get ready, then.”

“If you don’t want me here, you can just say that.” You spoke quieter, a tinge of pain that came from his urgency to usher you out coloured your voice.

“I don’t.” He hissed, loud enough to twist the knife in your chest but quiet enough not to disturb the rest of the people at the café. “You don’t know what you put me through, what I had to do to get over you not wanting me back. And you just waltz back into my life like we’re old buddies.”

You looked down at your cup, tracing the design with your thumb as Lando continued.

“You don’t get to do that.” He leaned back in his seat. “You can’t just- you can’t expect me to be okay with hoping for something with you.”

“And do you?” Your glossy eyes lock onto him again. “Do you still hope for something with me?”

“Every day.” The admission hung in the air above you two. “I wake up hoping you’ll just call me and tell me you want this as much as I do, and you never do.”

Lando watched you stand, no words left to say. He knew you’d bail as soon as it got real again. There was no lie in saying that things changed, but you hadn’t.

Just as he looks back down to his notes, trying to turn his focus back to his work, the screen of his phone lights up with your contact.

Lando locked eyes with you in the window, you stood on the street with your phone pressed to your ear, him confused. He accepts the call, brings his own phone to his ear and says nothing.

You take a deep breath. “I want this as much as you do.” And hang up, turning on your heel and walking away.

—

Lando found himself at a party.

He’s not sure how he got there, who’s home this was or who the host is, but he knew where the alcoholic beverages were and planted himself there for the evening.

Eventually, he found out that it’s Blair who’s hosting it. She found him in the kitchen, pathetically nursing a cup of whatever he decided to poison himself with that evening.

His eyes were locked on something she couldn’t see.

Blair took a seat on the kitchen island Lando was leaning against. She followed his gaze, eyes finding you in the crowd of people, getting cozy with someone neither she nor Lando knew.

“You could say something, you know.” She turns to him, a look of something on her face that he couldn’t completely decipher.

“What am I gonna say?” Lando turned to her with a certain defeat in his eyes that made Blair’s ice cold heart swell, just the tiniest bit. “I don’t know how to make her realise that I’m here.”

Blair dropped her shoulders. “You’re pathetic. Look at yourself.” She motioned towards him with her chin. “You’re sulking over someone who’s repeatedly shown you that you’re not wanted, and you’re still squirming about her like some lost puppy. Either do something about it or move on already.”

Lando rolled his eyes as he took another swig of the bitter liquid in his cup. It was barely as bitter as the look in Lando’s eye when he locked eyes with you from across the room. “I did move on. And then she fucking showed up at my university.”

“So? She’s making an effort then. She’s not someone who makes an effort, even when it’s for things she wants.” Blair points out. “Don’t give up on her just yet. I believe she’ll make the right choice soon.”

The pathetic curly-haired man takes a final gulp of his drink before slamming the plastic cup onto the counter beside Blair. “I hope you’re not wasting your effort to believe in her.”

That night, Lando went home alone. It’s not like he was hoping you’d follow him out, but sharing a word or two would’ve been nice. Despite him trying his best to trust that you’ve changed, that you want this as much as he does, you haven’t been showing the effort that comes with that.

Little did he know, you had run out a few seconds too late and he had turned a corner before you could catch up to him.

—

Lando woke up to a knock at his door.

With a pounding headache and top-half of his body naked, he opened the door to reveal… you. A scoff left his lips before he could stop it and he dropped his head back for a split second before locking eyes with you again. “What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Lando.” You tried your best to keep up with your usual personality around him, but it was hard to act like everything was okay when his green eyes bore into you like that. “May I come in?”

“No,” Lando pushed past you into the hallway outside his front door and closed it behind himself. “I’m asking again, what are you doing here? What do you want from me?”

“I want to talk.”

“I have absolutely nothing to say to you.” He hisses. “You’ve already heard everything I have to say.”

You swallow hard, feeling the weight of his words like a slap. His voice is low, edged with exhaustion and something sharper—resentment, maybe. You knew this wouldn’t be easy, but the reality of standing here, facing him like this, is worse than you imagined.

“That’s not fair,” you murmur, crossing your arms over your chest like it might protect you from how much this hurts. “You’re not even giving me a chance.”

Lando laughs, but there’s no humor in it. Just bitterness. He drags a hand through his curls, still messy from sleep, and looks at you like he’s trying to figure out if you’re being for real or if this was just him dreaming.

“A chance?” he echoes, shaking his head. “A fucking chance? Do you know how many chances I gave you? How many times I sat around, waiting for you to notice that I was right there?” His voice cracks, and it’s the first time you hear just how much you hurt him.

Your stomach twists. “I noticed,” you whisper, but it’s not enough.

His expression darkens. “No, you didn’t. You noticed when it was convenient. When it didn’t cost you anything. But the second it got hard, the second I needed you to fight for this, for us, you disappeared.”

You press your lips together, guilt washing over you. He’s right.

“I didn’t—” You pause, inhaling sharply, trying to steady yourself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Lando.”

“Yeah?” He takes a step back like he’s trying to put distance between himself and your words. “Well, you did.”

Silence settles between you, heavy and suffocating. You’re standing in the middle of it, trying to figure out what to say, how to fix this, but there’s nothing that feels big enough. Nothing that can take back all the times you let him slip through your fingers.

Lando exhales through his nose, looking down at the floor for a second before glancing back up at you. His eyes are unreadable now, his walls back up. “I think you should go.”

Your chest tightens. “Lando—”

“Go,” he repeats, more firmly this time. There’s no anger in his voice anymore—just finality.

And for the first time, you listen.

—

The next time you see Lando, it’s at the library. It’s not intentional— not this time— but the moment your eyes catch a glimpse of the familiar curls, you can’t look away.

He’s in the corner by the window, scrolling on his laptop with mild frustration painted across on his face. He must’ve gotten here not too long ago, since his curls are still damp from the rain that’s pitter-pattering next to him.

For a second, you consider giving him space. He made it clear that you weren’t someone he wanted to talk to, but then, as if sensing your presence, he looked up.

His green eyes flickered with something unreadable before settling into something familiar— caution.

Your feet work quicker than your mind and you find yourself at his table. “Hey.”

He stares at you for a beat too long, before sighing and leaning back in his chair. “Hi.”

It’s not much, but it’s not nothing.

There’s an empty seat in front of him, and you take a chance, pulling it out slowly. “May I?”

He doesn’t say no, but he doesn’t say yes. He just watches as you slide into the seat, fingers drumming against the surface of the table.

The silence that stretches between you two is nothing short of tense. You know you should say something, anything, but you can’t bring yourself to.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” you finally say, trying to sound casual.

Lando huffs out a small, humorless laugh. “Yeah, well. I didn’t expect to see you at my apartment the other morning either, but here we are.”

You wince. “Lando—“

“What?” He rubs a hand over the growing stubble on his jaw. “What do you want me to say? That it’s fine? That we can just— what, pretend that you haven’t been throwing me aside until it was convenient for you?”

“That’s not fair, Lando,” you feel your heart clench when your eyes lock with his.

“Isn’t it?” His voice is quiet but firm. “Who do you think this is more unfair to, me or you? You left, you made your choice, and now you decided you want me again. I’m not—“ he exhales sharply, “I can’t do this again.”

“I’m not asking you to.” You lean over the table and grab his hand in yours. “I mean it. I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t expect you to forgive and forget, but I do want to try this with you.”

Lando’s jaw tightens, his gaze flickering to his laptop like he’s debating pretending to be busy just to get out of this conversation. But he doesn’t. Instead, he exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair.

“You don’t get it,” he murmurs. “I’m tired of loving you like this.”

Your breath catches.

He shakes his head, like he hates admitting it. “I loved you even when you made me feel invisible. I loved you even when I knew I shouldn’t.” His voice is quieter now, raw. “And I don’t know if I can go through that again.”

“I don’t want to put you through that again, I just want you.” Lando pulls his hand away from yours and tucks them into the pocket of his hoodie. He’s shielding himself from you, cautious.

He looks up at you briefly, a barely-there smile flashing across his face, before he whispers “I don’t know if I can trust that.”

—

It was raining.

It barely ever rained on this side of town, but for some reason, you found yourself hiding beneath the awning of a cafe as you waited for the rain to settle down enough to continue your walk. The rain hammers against the pavement when you hear someone clear their throat next to you.

The last person you expected to see when you turned your head was Lando.

Your breath hitches. He’s wearing a jacket too thin for this weather and his curls are damp, stuck to his forehead. He wears an unreadable expression when he looks at you. Not quite cold, but not warm either.

“You’re following me now?” He mutters, stuffing his fists into his pockets.

You hadn’t planned to see him again so soon— not after your last encounter left you with more questions than answers— but by some twist of fate, or bad luck, you were pulled back into his orbit.

You scoff, a look of disbelief briefly flashing across your face when you look at him. “I was here first.”

“Of course,” he rocks back on his heels.

You hated this– this awkward dance going on between you two. You circle each other, pull each other in just to push yourselves away. On any other day, standing next to him in the rain would’ve felt normal. Comfortable. But now it just felt like walking on particularly fragile eggshells.

You watch the rain in silence for a moment, debating whether or not to say something. Lando beats you to it.

“I’ve been thinking about it.”

Your pulse jumps. “And?”

“I don’t know what to do with it,” he admits with a shrug of his shoulders. “I meant what I said, I’m not sure I can trust that you won’t just disappear again.”

You swallow harshly, nodding. “I know.”

“But I want to believe you,” he exhales, raking a hand through his damp hair. “I want to go back to how things were, but I just— I’m not sure I can do that right now.”

“Okay,” your throat tightens. “Then tell me what to do.”

He blinks. “What?”

“Tell me what to do,” you repeat yourself, more firmly this time. “I want to make you believe that I’m not leaving again, so tell me how I can prove it to you.”

Lando hesitates for a second, unsure whether he should pull you back in or push you away. He takes his bottom lip between his teeth, biting the chapped skin off of them.

Then, finally, he says, “don’t give up on us so easy this time.”

Your chest tightens at the gentleness in his voice. “I won’t.”

Just then, the rain slows down and turns into a soft drizzle. Lando nods at you, like he wants to believe what you said, and turns around to walk back from the way he first came.

—

It happens late at night, when the whole world is so quiet and still, that it makes you feel like you’re the only people in the world and there’s nothing left between you but the unspoken words and old wounds that don’t sting as much anymore.

You were sitting in Lando’s car, eating whatever’s left of your fast food order, in some random parking lot with the windows fogged up from the heat inside and the streetlights casting a soft glow through the windshield. You had spent every evening of the past few weeks together— just talking, just existing in each others orbit— and it felt easy again.

Lando chucks a french fry into his mouth before slightly turning his body towards you. “You know, I think I’m done pretending.”

You halt your movements and glance towards him. “Pretending what?”

“That I don't love you.”

You now fully sit up, putting down the fry you had been holding in mid-air for the past ten seconds.

He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “I’ve been so wary, trying to keep you at a distance and not get too attached, just in case you hadn’t changed, in case you’d leave unexpectedly again. But you’re still here,” he looks to you with a soft sigh of relief. “And I don’t think I want to keep fighting it anymore.”

He watches as your lips draw into a small, sad smile. “Are you sure you mean that?”

“Yeah,” he murmurs, “I mean that.”

A silence settles between you two, neither of you looking at each other anymore and instead at your joined hands on the centre console of his car. His thumb draws circles on your knuckle and you drop your head back against the headrest, content in his touch.

“I’m scared I’ll fuck this up again,” you admit, the words hanging above you as you spoke them.

Every anxiety you have about this goes away the second you look at Lando and he looks back at you with nothing but love. “Then don’t.”

And when he leans in— slow, deliberate, like he’s trying to give you a chance to push him away— you don’t.

You kiss him like you should’ve all those times before, you pull him with the same force it once took to walk away, and Lando feels confident in his decision to trust that, for the first time in his experience of you— you won’t walk away.

—

You feel a tight squeeze to your hand as you step up to the front door of Lando’s childhood home. It’s warm against yours, steady, like a pillar you could lean your whole weight on. You hadn’t realised how tightly you were holding his hand until he looked down at you with a teasing smile.

“Nervous?” He gives you a minute, trying his best to ground you before either of you ring the doorbell.

“Pff,” you try your best to hide your anxiety behind a scoff and an eye roll. “No.”

Lando hums, unamused. “You’re crushing my hand, love.”

You drop your shoulders, finally admitting defeat. “It’s just— what if they don’t like me?”

He places both his hands on your cheeks, fully turning you to face him, the teasing smile now replaced with a look of something gentler. “They will,” he says, so firmly that it’s almost a promise.

You nod, exhaling a brief sigh. You’re not sure why this matters so much to you. Maybe because this is something real. A far cry from the unstable, shaky beginning you two had.

Lando leans down, placing a gentle kiss against the tip of your nose before ringing the doorbell. “Relax. They already know how much I love you.”

The words send a warmth through your spine— he says them so easily, like they’re so weightless and delicate, and won’t weigh in your stomach like an anchor thrown at sea.

Before you can say anything, the door swings open and out comes his mother.

“Finally!” Her voice is full of warmth and love as she pulls Lando into a hug before turning to face you. Her smile is welcoming and you barely have time to process before she’s pulling you in for a hug, too. “You’re even prettier than the pictures.”

You turn your gaze to Lando, still tightly squeezed in his mother’s embrace. “Pictures?”

Lando groans beside you. “Mum.”

His dad stands in the doorway, chuckling. “She means the ones he wouldn’t stop staring at when you were apart.”

You snort as you glance at Lando and he pointedly avoids your gaze, ears turning red. Before you can tease him about it, his mother ushers you both inside and launches into a conversation that somehow perfectly aligns with what you know. His family is warm, effortless, full of easy laughter and teasing remarks, and it’s not long before you feel yourself easing into it, letting go of the tension you hadn’t realised you were holding.

At some point, Lando’s hand finds your thigh under the dinner table, softly squeezing and caressing it over the fabric of your jeans. It’s casual, absentminded, but it does just the thing to ground you.

When you turn to him, he’s already smiling at you with a look that says ‘See? You belong here.’ You reciprocate the small smile and put your hand on top of his, gently caressing his knuckles, like how he does when he notices you zone out in conversation.

Over the past few months, Lando learnt and adapted to your behaviour— he knew exactly when you were anxious or too overwhelmed and needed a break, and he’d always make sure to give you any sort of touch to ground you. He’d brush past you in the kitchen of his apartment or gently place his palms against your hips if you were in a crowded place.

It always worked.

Something about his touch, his presence, made you immediately calm down. And he somehow always knew just when you needed it.

The evening passed in stolen glances, easy conversations and laughter at the dinner table. Lando was right— his family was warm, welcoming in a way that made something settle deep in your chest. Now, as you stand by the door and say goodbye with your coat in hand, you feel the weight of it all crashing onto you.

This was more than just late night conversations at Lando’s apartment. This was more than seeing him across the library and fighting the pit in your stomach to work up the courage and walk up to him. This was meeting his family, and you weren’t sure how to handle it.

His mother pulls you in for another hug, her arms so tight around you it’s like she’s known you forever. “It was lovely having you here,” she beams, pulling back just enough to get one last look at you. “Don’t become a stranger, okay?”

You swallow down the lump in your throat and hide it behind a smile. “I won’t.”

Lando’s father stands behind you two, softly patting his son on the back before turning to you. “Take care of him for us, yeah? He can be a handful.”

Lando drops his head back with a groan. “Oh my god, can we go now?”

Everyone laughs, but you just smile, because a part of you wishes you could freeze this moment and replay it forever— just the one moment that makes you think that you could actually do this forever.

As you step outside, still shouting goodbyes over your shoulder, Lando’s hand finds yours like it’s second nature and he leads you down the path to where he parked the car.

The drive back is quiet. Not awkward, but just silent enough for Lando to notice. You watch as the streetlights blur past, your fingers loosely entwined with Lando’s on the center console.

At a red light, he squeezes your hand to get your attention. “You okay?”

You lazily turn your head towards him, faking a smile. “I’m okay.”

He studies your face for a second longer after the light turns green. “They really liked you,” he finally says. “Not that I had any doubts.”

Your heart skips a beat and your lip quivers, because of course they did. They were perfect and everything about dinner with his family was perfect.

Maybe that’s why you were so uneasy— perfect things don’t last. You tighten your grip on his hand like you could hold onto him forever, but deep down you know that forever has never been something you’re good at.

Lando doesn’t notice the way your chest caved in with deeper breaths, or if he does, he doesn’t say anything. He just keeps humming quietly like he always does, fingers drumming against the steering wheel to a tune only he can hear.

It’s such a Lando thing to do, and for a second you feel an ache so sharp it steals the air from your lungs.

This is what you’ve always wanted. Him. But wanting something and being able to keep it are two very different things.

When he pulls into the parking lot outside your place, he shifts into park but makes no move to get out. His hand finds yours again and he lazily plays with your fingers.

“You’re quiet,” he observes softly.

You give him that same weak smile from before. “Just tired.”

Lando tilts his head slightly, studying you the way he always does when he knows you’re lying but doesn’t want to push. He nods after a while, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand as if to remind himself that you're still here.

“Do you want me to come up?” he asks.

You do, obviously you do, but the words don’t come out. Instead, you shake your head, squeezing his hand as you pull away and lean back to the rear seats and fetch your purse. “Not tonight.”

He furrows his brows. “Are you sure?”

You nod quickly, pushing the door open before he could ask again. “Yeah, I just have to, uhm—“ you exhale. “I’ll just see you tomorrow, okay?”

He doesn’t look convinced but doesn’t fight it. “Okay, love you.”

You hesitate for a second, like maybe you’ll gather the courage and climb back into the passenger seat to tell him the truth— that there’s something so rotten inside you, something so putrid and twisted, that you’re scared it’ll ruin him.

It’s so confusing to yourself as well— you know you love him, you feel it so intensely every time he’s near you, but you feel the urge to push him away even more. How are you meant to explain what’s happening inside when you don’t fully understand it yourself?

You could blame it on your parents, on the abandonment and emotional neglect. You could even blame it on yourself, for never fighting for what you love. But, ultimately, it’s just who you are.

You get a good thing and you ruin it.

So, instead of sitting back down and explaining the situation, you shut the door and walk away.

Lando texts you within that same hour.

Lando: Sweet dreams, love.

You stare at your screen, contemplating whether or not you should type out a response. Instead, you re-read it for longer than you should before putting it screen down on the nightstand and drifting off to sleep.

The following day, you don’t talk to Lando.

You don’t text, you don’t call, you don’t meet him for breakfast or lunch. You tell yourself you just need a little space, but the longer the silence, the heavier the weight of it as it presses against your ribs in a desperate but failed attempt to get out.

Your boyfriend calls. Then again. And a third time. You let all three of them ring out.

Lando: Are you okay? Did I do something? Talk to me.

You throw your phone across the bed and watch as it lands on your floor. You curl up into a ball and pray the earth swallows you whole, just so you’d stop feeling like this. You want to answer him, to tell him everything— how the world feels much brighter and the fear curls in your chest like it’ll always be there, and that being loved like this feels like you were holding onto something that’s way too good to be true.

At the end of the day, that’s what this is. And you’d rather leave before it comes crashing down on you than wait and live through the wreckage.

—

Three days pass before you see Lando again.

You knew he wouldn’t let go. Lando isn’t the kind of person who can sit with silence, not when it comes to you. When you hear the knock at your door, your stomach twists. You debate pretending not to be home, but Lando would just wait by your door— that’s just the kind of person he is.

When you open the door, he looks like the first time you ever saw him. His curls are a mess, there’s a tired look on his face, or maybe it’s frustration. He looks worried more than anything.

You try to be as casual as possible. “Hey.”

“Hey?” His eyebrows draw in close, disbelief flashing across his face. “That’s all you have to say?”

He pushes past you into your apartment, closing the door behind himself. “No. You don’t get to disappear for three and then act like nothing happened. What the hell is going on with you?”

At first, you say nothing. You just stare down at your feet. “I just needed some space.”

“Bullshit.” His voice comes out a lot less sharp than he intends for it to. “I know you. This isn’t space, it’s you running.”

You exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “I’m not—”

Lando sighs, running a hand through his curls. “You are. You’re scared of something again.”

“So what if I am?” You suddenly snap, catching Lando by surprise.

“Then tell me, talk to me about what’s going on in that head of yours instead of shutting me out again.” He’s talking with a lot more desperation in his voice. “You think I don’t understand, so make me understand. Right now, it just feels like you’re looking for an excuse to leave again.”

You feel your eyes prick with tears and you know that if you tried to talk now, you’d break, so you say nothing. He pulls you into a hug and your arms don’t wrap around him like usual.

Silence hangs between you, heavy and suffocating. Then, quietly, he says, “See? I knew you hadn’t changed.”

You pull away from him to look at him. He sees it in your eyes, how your heart splits in half, and regret drowns out any other emotion he had on his face. But he doesn’t take it back. He’s waiting for you to prove him wrong.

“Listen—” you reach out to touch his hand, but he tucks it into his hoodie before you have the chance. “I just… I need some space, okay?”

A look of anger flashes across his face before he leans in closer, “have all the space you could ever want, I’m leaving.”

You flinch when the door to your apartment slams shut behind the only shot at love you’ve ever had.

[cherriegyuu]

Willow | 01

pairing: seungcheol x fem!reader genre: angst, marriage of convenience word count: 8.3k summary: seungcheol always knew that he was going to marry you, but things only get harder once he does (or in which seungcheol is just really dumb and doesn't know how to show his feelings)

part one | part two | part three (final) | drabble

You looked at yourself in the mirror and you looked pretty. Many people had worked hard to make you look like that, and at the end of the day, they had succeeded. The only problem was that you didn't feel beautiful. On any other day, you would have loved the attention and would have enjoyed the feeling of getting your body so meticulously cared for. But that wasn’t one of those days. Not when the choices of you ever doing what you wanted again were so slim.

The idea that now you had to report your every move to someone pained you as much as it angered you. Of course that you weren't angry at him; just like you, Seungcheol had little to no choice in the matter. 

It was just that much worse that the person you were supposed to be with was Seungcheol. You had known him for most of your life, went to the same schools, had the same circle of friends up until high school. The problem was that you never saw eye to eye in situations, whether it was something as simple as deciding where to go after class or more pressing matters — like wanting or not to be part of your family's business. 

To your surprise, Seungcheol wanted it. You had always seen him as the one who would break away from the family, who would drift away from expectations and be whatever he wanted to be. But such a thing never happened.

The last time you saw Seungcheol was during your high school graduation. As thought back to that day, it was easy to notice just how much he had changed. As your final year approached, you slowly drifted apart, and it was during that time that you realized that Seungcheol was your future, and he probably knew that you were his as well. 

You expected him to go around talking to everyone, being his usual talkative self but none of that ever happened. That was probably the first time you saw Seungcheol with a frown on his face, hands deeps inside his pockets, as he looked at everyone else without a word. Almost as if he was studying the people around him. 

Looking at him, you felt like he was saying goodbye, finally realizing the inevitable future that lay ahead of him. You felt an uncertain need to go to him. You felt everything he seemed to be feeling, you were just better at hiding it. When you took a step to get closer to him, Seungcheol looked at you. It was easy to figure out that he didn't want you to come closer to him, so instead to do what you thought that you should, you walked away.

Throughout the four years of college, there was radio silence on his end. Although both of you attended the same university, your majors were entirely different — his was law and yours was music — and so you never crossed paths. 

If you were being honest, you expected him to be popular, to always be the center of attention among his classmates and with girls but none of that ever happened. The only certain way to get any kind of information about him was when you called your parents not that you asked but Seungcheol is doing fine, top of his class, your mom used to tell you.

You always laughed at the notion. The Seungcheol you knew, that loud boy with a cheerful attitude, was average, at most, when it came to studies. The mere idea of him being the best in his class was laughable. Or at least it was until graduation.

As you had expected, your parents made you go. You sat far in the back, as away from the graduates as you possibly could. All of it was truly boring until you saw Seungcheol go up to the stage Top of his class since the first semester. You couldn't really believe it but you also couldn't doubt the dean’s words.

You sat there in complete silence, watching Seungcheol give the most boring and uninspiring speech someone could ever give. He didn't try to say nice things, like most people would have, far from that actually. If you knew Seungcheol well, and at some point, you did know him, his speech was a loud screw all of you, but that was hidden behind a nice mask and carefully chosen words.

That was five years before. 

The next time you met was on your wedding day. There were no meetings, encounters, or dates. Emails were never sent and phone calls never happened. Neither one of you had a solid story to tell about your sudden marriage, or at least you didn't.

“y/n?” 

You finally turned away from the full-length mirror when you heard your dad's voice. Despite the situation, you found yourself smiling at him.

All through your life, your dad let you off easily. Where your mom would try to hold you back with a firm hand, your dad would loosen the leash a little. Your dad had always been more concerned about the things that you wanted to do, instead of the things that he and your mother expected you to do. When you told him that you wanted to study music rather than become an accountant like him, all he said was as long as you're happy. 

You weren't happy, far from it, but in what world could you say no to your dad? Even to your mom, with who you didn't have a good relationship with, you could never say no to her. You knew that even though she was cold, she loved you in her own way.

“How are you?”

Your sigh was more than enough for your dad. You weren't good, fine, or even okay. You were living the moment, even if you thought that the moment was terrible.

“You already know, Dad”

He nodded at you at the same time that his hand reached for your shoulders.

“I know that it may seem like the end of the world now but I assure you that it isn't. Marrying Seungcheol is my way of making sure that you'll always be cared for, and that you'll have someone to rely on when things get hard. Your mom and I married the same way, you know, and we love each other. It didn't start in the way you see in movies or read about, it wasn't passionate from the get-go. We had to build our love, nurture it and cherish it every day. Trust Seungcheol to be there for you just as I know that you'll be there for him”

Trust Seungcheol. 

Easier said than done.

Seungcheol indeed have a cover-up story. 

We've known each other almost since we were born. In my senior year at university, we went to a family gathering and it all started from there.

It was simple, so simple that no one really had the nerve to question it, though you were sure that a lot of people wanted to. Especially your friends and some of his too — or maybe they were all coworkers, it was hard to tell.

Your friends looked at you as if you were insane for getting married so suddenly, without ever even mentioning Seungcheol. Yeda just did her best to hide her surprise behind a smile, saying, now I know where you went every weekend. Upon hearing those words, Seungcheol's fingers got heavier on your lower back, and his body tensed up, but he didn't say a word.

Contrary to what you expected, pretending to be happy had been easy. It seemed like the feeling was mutual for Seungcheol, judging by the smile on his face. You couldn't expect something different from him, the man was a lawyer — a very good one — who did a fine job of charming his way around. Clients loved him, judges loved him, and even other lawyers couldn't help but also be charmed by Seungcheol.

“Cheol!”

From the other side of the room, someone shouted for Seungcheol. The two of you turned around to look at where it came from. 

“Seokmin” Seungcheol sighed. 

He should have guessed that if someone was going to make a fuss at his wedding, it would probably be Lee Seokmin. 

“I had no idea you even had a girlfriend, so imagine my surprise when I got your wedding invitation”

Inviting him was an idea that Seungcheol was already beginning to regret. Seokmin was a rookie lawyer, just starting but with great instincts. It wasn't usual for his firm to hire someone fresh out of college but the moment he laid eyes on Seokmin, he knew that the kid wasn't just another law student who thought he knew it all. Seokmin actually knew much more than he led on, was smarted than most rookies they ever hired.

“We have been rather… private about our relationship,” you said.

Seokmin’s eyes move at you, and he reached a hand to shake yours.

“I wouldn't want a man who’s more handsome than me around my incredibly beautiful girlfriend. Wife, sorry. Still processing what happened today”

You had to press your lips together to hide a smile. Seokmin reminded you of a younger Seungcheol, though that was something you would never say out loud.

“Remind me again why I even invited you” Seungcheol said between his teeth.

Seokmin put his hands in his pockets, an easy smile on his face as he rocked on his heels.

“Because, even though you shouldn't have favorites, I'm yours” Seokmin looked back at you again and winked “I'm his favorite of all the rookie lawyers”

This time you couldn't control your smile. At your side, Seungcheol grunted something in disagreement and silently shot daggers at Seokmin. You pulled Seungcheol's hand from on back and tugged at it, pulling him forward.

“Will you excuse us, Seokmin? We still have to talk to our parents”

You pulled Seungcheol away, more for him than for yourself. While you seemed to be enjoying the quick conversation with Seokmin, your husband looked as uncomfortable as someone could possibly be. 

“Are you not friends with him?” you asked quietly.

Seungcheol didn't answer you for several seconds, so you turned to look at him. The way he looked at you almost made you want to take a step back and away from him but you knew that you shouldn't. But Seungcheol didn't let you. His eyes were hot on your skin, as if with one simple look he could make your skin catch fire. He pulled you closer to his body. 

“Let's not pretend, okay? We may be married but we are not close nor friends, we are merely acquaintances who were forced to get married”

From the outside, whoever looked at your thought that you were a young couple in love, but that couldn't be further from the truth. His smile hid well the true meaning of his words, and the proximity of his body showed everyone that he wanted to be close to you when the truth was that he wanted anything in the world but that.

You leaned up in his embrace, your arm around his shoulder and your lips dangerously close to his ear. He could feel the hair against his cheeks, as you pushed on your tiptoes even further to reach him.

“Pretend is what we have to do best from now on, husband"

For the first time in his life, Seungcheol didn't understand your behavior. For the first time, he didn't have you completely figured out. 

Before, he always knew your next move, and Seungcheol took pleasure and fighting his way against it. He loved seeing you get angry and thought that it was funny how your cheeks seemed to be on fire. But looking at you in that moment felt different. Your cheeks no longer got hot, your fists weren't balled at your sides and you sure didn't look like you wanted to murder him.

The biggest surprise came when you didn't move away from him completely, and instead, your arm slid down his back and wrapped around his waist. Maybe you were better at putting on a show than he expected

“Seungcheol, y/n"

You turned around and smiled back at Seungcheol's parents.  They were responsible for this marriage just as much as yours were to blame but that didn't mean that you would be disrespectful towards them. Even if lashing out at them was exactly what you wanted to do.

“Mom, Dad,” Seungcheol said.

Walking up to the two of you, behind Seungcheol’s parents, were your own parents. Your dad seemed relieved to see you two get closer, though he knew that much of it was just for show. But a slow and fake start was better than nothing at all. And your mom was smiling at you. 

She was sure that you would eventually lean on Seungcheol, that you would let yourself fall for him but she never expected for it to happen so fast. She thought that knowing him since childhood would be a big factor in making things easier for you — if you allowed things to move forward between you and Seungcheol. 

Since the day they told you about the marriage, you pulled away from your parents, and from what they could tell you also pulled away from your friendship with Seungcheol. Your mother hoped that while you were in college you would find your way to him, find a way to love him. Seeing the smile on your face while Seungcheol, now your husband, was so close to you made her happier than she could have anticipated.

She knew that you thought that she didn't love you or, at the very least, that she had a very odd way of showing it. But that couldn't be further away from the truth.

“I'm glad to see you're getting along fine"

A smile spread through your face, and you visibly squeezed Seungcheol's waist. 

“We'll find our own pace, so you don't have to worry" 

The smile on your lips surprised Seungcheol yet again. The version of you standing in front of him in that very moment was so much different from the person he knew when he was a teenager.

You were never one to mask your feelings. Whatever you felt was on full display for everyone to see, and you seemed to care very little about what people thought of you. The only person who seemed to be able to say anything about you without you wanting to bite their head off was your brother. 

Seungcheol put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you against his side.

“We ignored each other for years and worried you guys, but now we’re together in this. Like y/n said, we’ll find our own pace” 

The wedding lasted longer than either of you could have predicted. You were told that you would be able to leave around midnight, but it was way past three when people started to get ready to leave. Both Seungcheol and you could no longer take it. It was hard to sit by his side, hold his hand and pretend that everything was completely fine.

The worst part was probably when they took you outside to get the couple's pictures. The photographer was only doing his job, you knew that, but that didn't mean that you enjoyed the entire situation.

“Can you guys kiss?” he asked.

You felt uncomfortable enough already as it was, with Seungcheol behind you, his arm around your waist, his cheek lightly pressing against the side of your head, as both of you smiled happily to the camera. Kissing him would just intensify the discomfort, cementing the reality that you would never be able to walk away. 

“Is that really necessary?” Seungcheol asked.

It wouldn't be the first time you kissed. Although you didn’t kiss him when the judge pronounced you officially married, after giving a beautiful speech about love and wishing you both a life filled with happiness and good memories,  Seungcheol had been your first kiss.

When you were sixteen all of your friends, including Seungcheol, thought that it was a good idea to play spin the bottle. You were all young and somewhat foolish at the time, and the game seemed like something teenagers did while drinking. You had managed to successfully dodge any questions that could lead to someone finding out about your lack of physical contact with the opposite sex, lying through your teeth. While you were almost scared, Seungcheol was having the time of his life. Not even once did he choose truth; he always wanted a dare.  

He always did things like that back then. While you were shy and tended to keep more to yourself and your small group of friends, Seungcheol was outgoing. When you were quiet he made sure to be extra loud. So if you chose truth he had to choose dare. 

Up until then, the dares had been minor, eat a package of chips in under one minute, drink two cans of soda without burping. Most dares were simple but not when Mila was the one giving out the dare.

You knew the moment the bottle landed on Seungcheol that his dare was going involve you, and he knew it too. It was in the look he gave you, like he was half apologizing and half saying screw you.

“Kiss y/n”

Most of the kids cheered you on, while others, mostly your friends, gasped. Everyone knew that you and Seungcheol didn't have the best relationship, that you were nearly at each other's throats whenever you were around but not Mila. She always said that you two were just faking it, and that most of your fights seemed staged to get attention from people.

What you could possibly get from that was something you were still trying to find out.

“Can’t you give me something more stupid? Like running naked outside?”

“Trust me, that'll happen. For now, I just want you to kiss her" 

Seungcheol looked at you and you blinked at him, pressing your lips together, it was your way of telling him that he could do it. You knew that if either of you said no, things would just escalate for the worse. Mila would never leave either of you alone and for the rest of the night, neither would your friends.

“Fine but I'm not kissing her with you all breathing down my neck”

He got out of his seat and pulled you up by the hand. He lead you to the kitchen and made you stand by the refrigerator.  Most of your body was hidden and your friends could only see half of Seungcheol's. 

You half expected him to not kiss you at all, or even make a whole show of pretending to kiss you. He did neither. If anything his actions surprised you.

Seungcheol ran his index finger across your forehead and down your cheek until his hand reached the back of your neck. He had a hint of a smile on his lips, lips which you couldn't stop looking at.

“Do I make you nervous, y/n?”

The answer was on your lips to be spoken but you never got the chance. Seungcheol pressed his lips on top of yours, lightly at first until he lost his patience and calmness and pressed harder. His entire body was against yours. 

You were young and Seungcheol was the first boy you ever kissed so you didn't have any experience, but he made you feel like you knew exactly what you were doing. It lasted only a minute but it made you dizzy, made you want to pull him closer to you and stay there. But the moment his lips pulled back, he was gone, away from your side and the party altogether.

After that, you both started to avoid each other to some extent. Your eyes would automatically try to look for him but he was never around again. You were glad for his absence. Kissing Seungcheol evoked feeling within you that you had no idea could even exist but at the same time, you disliked the idea that he was one doing it.

“Make sure you get this in camera because we're not doing it again”

You turned around so that you were facing him, your arms going around his waist. He was warm, so warm you almost to the point you wanted to hug him entirely. Having him so close to you again made you feel like you were that sixteen-year-old girl yet again, hiding behind the fridge, wondering what he was thinking. It was like a part of you that had been dormant for years was finally awake.

The thought made you take an instinctive step back. You didn't manage to go very far though. 

The second your body was no longer in contact with his, Seungcheol pulled you against him. His actions mirrored exactly what happened when you were a teenage girl, his fingers went down your cheeks until they reached your neck. You closed your eyes, anticipating the light pressure of his lips on top of yours but it never came. Instead of kissing your lips, Seungcheol kissed your forehead.

You couldn't help but feel disappointed.

Your mother had a master plan to make sure that you and Seungcheol would be together no matter what.

While the preparations for your wedding were being made, you took no part in it. Why should you when you were being forced into a relationship you didn't want to be part of? But once you walked inside the apartment you would have to share with Seungcheol, you regretted that decision. 

You should have made some decisions, especially when it came to housing arrangements.  Your mother, probably Seungcheol's too, decided to only furnish one bedroom. No, scratch that. You were moving in with Seungcheol and he had a fully furnished spare bedroom, or at least he did until both your mothers decided that you didn't need it.

“You can have the bedroom if you want," he said quietly.

His words surprised you. Seungcheol was never the kind of person to be nice for no reason, especially to you, so his sudden rush of kindness was something new. You weren't too sure if you liked it or how you should take it. 

“No, thank you” you shook your head “It's probably gross in there. The couch is fine”

Instead of a smart comeback, Seungcheol was in silence, just looking at you. You expected him to say something nasty, at the very least have him tell you fuck you but he did neither of those things. Seungcheol just sighed and turned around.

You sat on the couch, wedding dress still in place, looking at your new life. That was it. An apartment too big for just two people — much less one — and a husband you had a hard time being around. 

For most of your life, you had been a romantic, always expecting the love of your life to show up. Even after your parents told you about your inevitable marriage with Seungcheol, you still thought that you could make it. 

Being a silly teenage girl, you thought that if you found someone, someone who was really worth it, someone you could love freely without a single doubt, you could walk away from everything like your brother did. But you never, not even once, met someone like that. It's true that you always had your guard up. Why would you get involved with someone just to have your heart broken at the end of the line? It wasn't worth the trouble. However, no one ever made you even question your parents.

Seungcheol walked back into the living room a couple of minutes later with blankets and pillows in his hands, he sat them on the couch without looking at you. 

“You can use this until you find yourself a bed" he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck “They're not dirty, so don't worry about that”

That side of him, one that seemed unsure and maybe even a little bit shy was new to you. The Seungcheol you remembered, even the one who showed himself at the wedding, seemed completely in control of things but the one in front of you didn't look like it. Looking at Seungcheol you saw the boy his parents often mentioned while out for dinner with yours, he seemed shy.

“Thank you,” you said with a nod “Goodnight, Seungcheol"

By Monday morning everything went back to how you knew it. Seungcheol was back to being a jerk after you avoided each other for the rest of the weekend, and you were back to ignoring him. 

At night, you found him working in his office, he had glasses on and bit the end of a pen while reading a document in front of him, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. 

“Since when do you wear glasses?”

You didn't dare to walk inside, so you stopped at the door. You were afraid that he would bite your head off if you did walk in.

“I hope you are well aware of the fact that we won't go on a honeymoon" 

The way in which Seungcheol said those words almost made you take a step back. His voice was filled with spite and something that you could only describe as hatred. It was true that you and he had never seen eye to eye on things, that you always enjoyed battling a little but it was never like that. Never before have you thought that Seungcheol could really hate you.

“I never thought that we would,” you said quietly.

You couldn’t help but wonder where that version of him, from those few minutes in the living room, had gone. 

“That's good. You can go now, I'm busy”

He said all of that without even sparing you a glance. You never thought that you would be hurt by some of his actions but there you were, walking away from his office as if he had just kicked you in the ribs.

Avoiding Seungcheol was surprisingly easy, even though you both lived in the same house and you were currently out of a bedroom. Even though the spare bedroom still didn’t have a bed or a chair, you spent most of your days inside it reading or on your phone. Seungcheol was either inside his office or went to the firm.

The hard part was explaining to Yeda why you didn't go on a honeymoon — something that is expected of newlyweds. You walked in circles for minutes, trying to come up with a reason that was good enough, and in the end, you had none. Nothing came to mind. Sure, you could have asked Seungcheol what he was going to say to his friends and coworkers, if he was even going to say anything at all, so your stories could match up but you didn't dare to approach him after the way he talked to you. 

“Come on, be honest. I've known you long enough to know when you’re lying. Your whole ‘Seungcheol is busy at work’ crap won't work. Also, you don't look half as happy as someone who just got married is supposed to. In fact, you look a little depressed”

You weren't supposed to tell anyone, you were supposed to keep quiet and live your life by Seungcheol's side without anyone ever finding out the truth about your marriage. The two of you got married out of convenience for both sides of the family, sides that never once consulted your wishes and desires. But the words came out of your mouth before you could stop them, before you could think about what you were doing.

You talked for a long time, all while Yeda listened to you quietly.  She didn't try to stop you nor she asked questions while you were speaking. All she did was sit there in silence, sipping her coffee quietly while you talked like a radio that never stopped broadcasting.

“So you're saying that you got married to someone you don't love because it’s some sort of tradition in your family?”

It sounded stupid when it was put like that, but it was the truth. When your parents told you about your future wedding with Seungcheol your dad gave you a way out. He said that if you agreed to take over the company, if you went to college and studied to be an accountant just like him, then you were free to marry whoever you wanted — as long as the company was taken care of. 

For a tiny second, you thought about it. You could not work as a music teacher, you could work as anything else. Lots of people don't have their dream job, they don't work as something that they want but still manage to find happiness.  If other people could do it, then you surely could too. One look at your mother was enough to tell you that either way you would marry Seungcheol, though — even if you gave up everything and did as your dad wished.

“It's more complicated than that” you sighed.

When it came to you and your family, nothing was as easy as it seemed.

“You, my friend, are in some next-level shit"

When Seungcheol saw you walk inside the wedding venue, he was mesmerized. To him, you were always the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, even when you were angry at him for whatever crap he said again. But that day was incomparable. Was that how other people usually felt when seeing their bride walk down the aisle?

Seungcheol learned that he was going to be marrying you when he was only fifteen and you had just turned fourteen. He didn't know what it was supposed to mean, what the implications of him getting married would be. He only knew that he would never have to go through endless dates until he found the one that was meant to be with him.

In a way that made Seungcheol happy. How could it not? His parents were making his life easy, he thought. And then he met you, not the you your parents wanted the world to see but the real you. And he was so surprised to see that you were nothing like he had expected. 

Seungcheol knew your brother from school so he thought that you were going to be somehow similar to him. Oh, just how wrong he was. Your brother was quiet, moved through the motions without a care in the world and he seemed to be happy while doing it. And sure, you had that whole aura about you as well but the second your parents were out of sight, or once you found yourself in a comfortable environment you changed completely.

When only your friends were around, you were something else entirely, someone who Seungcheol liked to see. You became loud and cheerful, your laugh loud enough that people around your group of friends would turn around to see just who could be that loud. 

But Seungcheol couldn't get too close, he knew that he shouldn't. You were younger than him and still looked at him fondly, which meant that you had no idea about both of your parent's plans. And he had been warned off by your brother, who knew about his parents' plans.

When he left for college, he couldn't stay away for too long. Even when he didn't have to, even when he shouldn't because he had too much to do, he still found time to go back home. He stayed in between high school kids because it was the only way he would ever see you. If he went home and his parents went over to your house for a gathering, you always found a way, or better said an excuse, to do something else.

By the time you started college, Seungcheol saw the change in you. He knew that you were well aware of the fact that yes, you would be marrying him, but you chose to stay away so he decided that he too shouldn't care. But he couldn't bring himself to do that either.  

He kept an eye out for you, silently taking care of you without you ever knowing.  He never did anything unless he thought that things could get out of hand and you never really got into problems that you couldn't take care of yourself. You were quiet and never went out much and if you ever did was just to make sure your friends wouldn't drink and drive. 

He always remembered special dates, your birthday being the utmost important one of them all. Seungcheol would always leave a present at your door. The first time he did it was in your last year of high school. He didn't know what he should get you, had no idea of what you liked so he just got you the biggest teddy bear he could possibly find. It was funny to see your face when you opened the door to a white bear with the words take me, y/n on it’s front.

Not even after college was over, and the two of you were moving on your separate ways Seungcheol stopped. When he ran out of ideas he sent you flowers, more flowers than what you knew what to do with — more flowers than your tiny apartment could ever comport.

As the date of your wedding approached Seungcheol saw himself grow anxious and uncertain. He didn't know just how aware of things you were, if you had planned anything at all and what would be your reaction for what was yet to come. Imagine his surprise when he found out that you had no idea of what was going on, that you went to the venue without knowing what your dress looked like.

The look on your face told Seungcheol everything that he needed to know, you were sad. The amount of sadness, of hurt, there was in your eyes made Seungcheol want to take your hand and just take you from there. You looked beautiful and your smile was marvelous, making people who didn't know you that much, or just didn’t care, think that you were happy. But he knew better. Seungcheol knew you.

He intended to make it better, try to make it as bearable as he possibly could but he didn't do that. No, far from that. Seungcheol was a complete idiot, the biggest one he knew. The moment you tried to say something, the first thing you said to him out of your own will after years, his first instinct was to push you away. It was what he did for years.

The only way to get some kind of reaction from you was to push your buttons the right way, and the only way Seungcheol could do that was by picking on you. It was stupid, so incredibly childish, the worst possible way he could ever use to try and get closer to you. Seungcheol knew all of that but it was also the only thing he could do. The old him, the one who was too young to understand the magnitude of what getting married meant, used to think that the only way to get your attention was by being a complete idiot to you. Even now, when he knew for a fact that being mean would get him nowhere, Seungcheol didn’t know to act differently.  Because even years later, when both of you were no longer the two kids you once were, the only to get you to even look at him was by being rude. “I have no idea what you’re talking about” Seungcheol knew that he would get nowhere by lying to Seokmin, his friend was far too good at knowing when the people around him were lying. “You can correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t you be, at the very least, at home with your wife?” Rolling his eyes at his friend, Seungcheol sat back down on his chair and pretended to be looking at the files on his desk. His mind was anywhere but at his work. No, correct that. His mind was on you rather than on his work. He kept thinking that, despite his apparent lack of interest, you still told him where you were going and what you were doing. It's true that he did ask you if you needed a ride for work because Seungcheol knew that you hated driving, but you still made a point of letting him know. “I was given days off since I just got married,” you said to him.

In the quietness of his office, Seungcheol felt guilty. He should be at home with you, trying to figure things out, trying to come to an agreement on your relationship. Your marriage didn’t start the way you’d expect, and it certainly wasn’t the kind of marriage that starts simply out of love. Your relationship, if you could even call it that, wasn't anything like either of you had ever experienced. But the truth is that the two of you needed to find some common ground, needed for things to be clear, and boundaries needed to be created.

“You’re such a terrible liar. It’s a wonder how you are still a lawyer”

Trust Seokmin to be completely blunt and tell Seungcheol off the first chance he got. That was one of the many reasons why Seungcheol chose Seokmin as his right-hand. Despite the age difference, how he was the one who would one day run the office and was clearly above him in the hierarchy ladder, Seokmin was the kind of person he could trust. 

Seungcheol trusted him enough to tell him the truth about his marriage, about how he has been pinning over his wife since he was a teenager — granted that he slightly when he told Seokmin all of that, but he was only able to say those things because he trusted him that much.

“I regret hiring you every time you open your mouth” Seungcheol sighed.

“You would never fire me though. I’m your favorite, everyone here knows that”

Seungcheol sighed and looked up at Seokmin, his attention momentarily away from the case files.

“Do you have something to say? I have work to do, in case you haven’t noticed”

Seokmin shook his shoulders and turned to walk out of Seungcheol’s office. He was gone for two seconds before he popped his head back in, with a grin on his face.

“Go home, Seungcheol”

You were in sweats and a shirt most of the day, except for the few hours Yeda came by and took furniture shopping. 

On a normal occasion, you would have thrived on the news of a few days off. After all, it was something that you had been wanting to do for a very long time but in your mind, you would travel with Yeda, somewhere sunny and beachy. Yet you were stuck inside an apartment that wasn’t yours, without a bed, and with your stuff scattered on the floor of a bedroom that wasn’t yours either.

Telling your friend the truth about your life felt like getting a weight off of your shoulders. It didn’t cure anything, and it didn’t make anything better but it made you feel better, and for a while that would have to be enough. 

You kept thinking of ways to talk to Seungcheol, to try and reach a consensus with him on how things should move forward.  You were married now and that meant Seungcheol would be a constant in your life. At the very least, you should be able to trust him. 

Even so, trust was too much of a strong word, something that felt foreign even though he was someone who had been around you for most of your life. No, trust wasn’t it, at least for now it wasn’t what you needed. What was of vital importance were the rules — coexisting rules. After Yeda left, you sat down with a piece of paper and started to scribble down what you thought was necessary for the two of you to cohabit. It couldn’t be too much, nothing too out of the ordinary or crazy. Seungcheol, although he was a grown man who could and did support himself, could turn into a twelve-year-old that needed to be babied — or at least that’s how you remembered him. When he finally got home from work, you had already ordered pizza and were sitting on the couch watching the eight o’clock news. “Our first meal together as a married couple is pizza” he grunted as he sat down on the easy chair on the opposite side of you. You pushed the box towards him and leaned back on the couch. “If the pizza is any indication of how our marriage is going to be then I would say it will go pretty nicely” Because Seungcheol seemed stressed when he left in the morning, and if you were being honest all through the weekend as well, you decided that you would order his favorite pizza. If you were a little more domesticated then you could have probably cooked him something, try to make it even harder for him to be an asshole to you for a few hours. But cooking was never something you enjoyed or were good at, so the whole get a man by his stomach wasn’t going to happen with you two. 

You survived college only through packaged meals and fast food. You weren’t about to start cooking because of him. The only thing he could get from you was some takeout or order in, if that. “Are you suddenly optimistic about our marriage?” You shook your head and you gave him one of the contracts you wrote. “No, I have something to ask” He laughed as he took the sheet out of your hands. “That’s how it’s going to be now? You feed me and ask for something?” he put the paper on the table and went back to looking at you. “Isn’t that how most marriages go? I even got them to take off the pineapple from the pizza Not even half with the delicious pineapple. I really tried” It was hard for Seungcheol to keep a straight face. Yes, you were trying. If the roles were reversed and you had treated him the same way he did to you, he would not even look at you twice, much less would he try to talk to you.

“I'm in a good mood, so ask away”

“Can I use your office?”

Seungcheol looked at you, confusion all over his face. Out of all the things that you could have asked him that would be the last one in his mind.

“There's more stuff in here”

He didn't bother to read what you wrote, whatever your conditions were, he would comply. 

“Ah yes,” you ran your hands on top of your thighs cleaning them before turning around to face him “Since neither one of us wanted this, I thought that we should have some housing agreements. Number one is: you're in charge of food”

He knew how to cook, he wasn't good enough to make it to Master Chef but he wouldn't starve. He almost laughed remembering the day your mother went to his house to plan for the wedding. She said that you were perfect in all other ways but that Seungcheol should never let you get near the kitchen unless it was for takeout. I don't know what else to do, I teach her and she actually tries but she just can't.

“I can do the shopping but that's it” you looked at him, expecting him to fight back but all you got from him was a quiet agreed “Good. Number two and three: because you're cooking I'll do the cleaning but we will share doing laundry. I refused to get anywhere near your underwear, Number four: We will share the office. Although I like my bedroom and it's big enough to fit everything, thank you for that, I prefer to paint with natural light and it doesn't have much of that”

He nodded at that too. When Seungcheol moved to his apartment he chose it because his bedroom, as well as his office, had a nice view of the city but the spare bedroom faced other buildings in the same complex, so there wasn’t much sunlight. He didn't care much about that at the time since he was alone for a while. He was sure that when you finally got married, you would move to an actual house, he could remember you saying that was something you wanted. But since the marriage itself happened so quickly neither one of you had the time to look into it.

“Yeah, that's okay. Move stuff around as much as you want, I don't mind. Have you bought the furniture for your bedroom? I didn't think to buy anything because I didn’t know they would get the bed removed, I'm sorry. What about your instruments? I haven’t seen anything”

You almost shocked on your saliva. Never before had you heard Seungcheol apologize to someone and sound sincere while doing it. Every single time he said it before, it was pushed out between his teeth, his hands closed into fists. He hated to apologize more than anything in the world, even if he was completely wrong.

He is really trying.

And the fact that he remembered about your instruments, that he even thought to ask about them, made your heart do a little leap inside your chest. You wanted to press your hand over it, as if telling it to calm down

“I went today with Yeda, they'll probably bring the stuff tomorrow” you purposely didn’t mention your work.

“I don't think that sort of thing happens so fast”

You snorted turning the page in the contract. You were almost embarrassed by calling it a contract. He read actual contracts and official documents every day at his job, and whatever you wrote was probably like an insult to him. 

“It does when you pay extra”

A groan escaped your lips when you heard those words, hated saying them out loud. For all the three seconds that it took you to say them, you sounded just like your mother and that was not a comparison that you would like to be part of.

“Anyway, item number five: all of our extramarital activities should be done outside this apartment. This is our safe haven. Whatever happens, needs to stay outside”

It was something hard to say, something that felt bitter on your tongue, but what other choice did you have? Both of you were thrown into a marriage without love, a marriage that neither of you really wanted and yet were stuck with each other. 

Saying those words left a nasty taste in your mouth. Not once before, while imagining what it would be like to married to someone — married to Seungcheol —  you pictured yourself bluntly saying that he could be in a relationship with someone else, a person who wasn’t you. You’ve always known that Seungcheol had a few relationships before and you were okay with it. You weren’t anything to each other but a promise, and so you never expected him to be faithful in the first place. Even though he never said anything to you, even though you never saw those things happen right in front of your eyes, word always got out and found its way to you. It never really matter how badly you didn’t want to hear about it. Knowing those things made your heart drop as if it was no longer beating in your chest like it was supposed to. And you hated yourself for it. Why did you care? Why did it hurt to know about those things when Seungcheol didn’t mean anything? You were seventeen when you were told that you would be marrying Seungcheol and ever since you never really contemplated the idea of being with someone else. Not because you were in love with him but because you knew that he was the one who you would end up with no matter how you wanted it to happen. So why should you engage in a relationship when it was bound to end? In college, while all of your friends went to parties and did all the things that it was expected of college kids, you stayed back and did your best at school, thinking that you could enjoy your life later when the plan for your career was set in the right direction. But you never actually did enjoy anything. School was over and all you did was focus on your work. And Seungcheol was always in the back of your mind, quietly reminding you that no matter what you did, he was the one you would be with in the end. He wasn’t the one you wanted but he was the one you were stuck with. So why, just why, was it so painful to say that he could be with other people? Tentatively, you looked at him. His eyes were focused on the paper in his hands, running over the same sentence again and again, hoping that if he read just one more time, it would magically change. For a second, it was as if he wasn’t even breathing at all. “My own wife is telling me that she wants to date other men while saying me that I should date other women” his bitter laugh made your heart drop all over again, and the sight of him writing his name under all the things you listed made you want to throw up “Good night, y/n”

hi! thank you for reading! let me know if you want to be tagged once part two is out, you can either message me or send an ask

[cheriemariii]

see if i had been the one to write romantica and terrorist i definitely would have definitely aged up shinobu and misaki. And its not just that i find it icky to have grown ass men dating these barely legal boys (i mean yeah it kinda is the main reason,,) but because i genuinely feel it would add more to both their characters???

(whatever my take is under the cut 👍)

Just like the original, lets say Misaki makes it out of high school at 18, as any normal teenager would. Takahiro offers to get him a tutor for his college entrance exams, but he refuses: he wants to do it on his own (bc when doesnt he🙄).

So he tries to make it into college and fails; but thats ok, not everyone makes it on their first try, he can always try again. A year later he is 19, he tries again, and he fails again,, but he did a little better than the last time! He just has to keep trying, maybe third time will be the charm? So another year passes, he is 20 now, he tries again,, and fails again.

At this point Misaki is starting to lose it. To be entirely honest, he doesn’t even care that much about college. He is not passionate about anything in particular, so he would have no issue just finding a job in whatever and figuring it out from there. Thats what his brother did after all, and he turned out great!

His brother… wasnt Takahiro why Misaki wanted to make it into Mitsuhashi in the first place? He has done so much for him these past years, he owes him this much. But no matter how hard he tries to memorize or what study technique he attempts, he just cant do it. And this process isnt so easy for Takahiro either: he hates nothing more in this world than to see his little brother so helpless.

At some point after the third failed attempt, Takahiro brings up again the possibility of getting a tutor. So far, Misaki had been denying it because it’s his nature to not want to be a burden to anyone else, and he wanted to prove that he was capable of doing this on his own. But the fact that not only he is not making his brother proud (or so he thinks), but that he is actively burdening Takahiro by letting him see him so distressed, is finally enough to shatter Misaki’s pride.

Now, given the urgency of the situation, Takahiro cant afford having Misaki test the waters with any stranger, so he decides to put his trust on the smartest person he knows. And that is how Misaki Takahashi, age 20, accepts the help of prolific writer Usami Akihiko out of desperation and makes it into college :)

From here on the story runs its course normally (a couple other changes here and there, but thatd be another day’s yap). I also like the effect it would have on Misaki’s psyche to feel so behind his classmates. He made it into college at 21, an age where other people are starting to think about graduation; and there is nothing wrong with this, but Misaki is not gonna see it this way; he is definitely gonna think this makes him not enough (and comparing himself with everything Takahiro had to achieve at 18 in order for them to survive, and maybe also having Fuyuhiko throw this to his face at any given opportunity bc ofc he would definitely wouldn’t help :/).

Now Shinobu. In this scenario he would be making it out of high school (18) when he first interacts with Miyagi and finds out he is gonna marry his sister and it breaks his heart and all that jazz. And so out of spite he moves to Australia to study college there.

A few years pass by and he has just turned 21. He is about to enter his fifth semester of uni, has had amazing grades and even got himself a nice job in the Japanese embassy in Australia (iirc he studies law???); so far it's just to assist on minor administrative matters, but by the look of it he might actually escalate to a more important spot sooner or later! So life is very much smiling at Shinobu until,, oh! Guess who just got divorced!!!

Now, any normal rational adult would've not given this too much mind; but if the canon supports me on anything it's on the fact that Shinobu is not a normal rational adult. He never really made it past his crush on Miyagi, but at the time he let it go, aside from the obvious, bc he knew he wasn't fit for Miyagi just yet. But now he is an adult by any stance of the law, and he had done so much with his life, and Miyagi is available now so,, what exactly would be stopping them?

And so he does the last thing a normal rational adult would've done: he makes it back to Japan, makes his attack on Miyagi, and the plot goes on as it would (you can even keep a reinterpreted version of Shinobu's college entrance exams from the original!!! He is gonna have to find a way to continue with his studies after all,,). I like to think, in a way, this shows just how much was Shinobu willing to sacrifice in order to follow this so called destiny; he practically had his life figured out in Australia, and yet that silly little feeling turned out to be stronger.

I also feel maturity would become a really major theme in this version of terrorist. Like Shinobu thinks he is apt for Miyagi now bc he is legally an adult, so he SHOULD have the maturity it takes to be with him (which could also translate to Shinobu trying to rush himself into ~certain~ things in order to prove himself worthy to Miyagi). But maturity doesn't work that way; it's not about how old you are but how much have you lived, and at the end it will turn out not even Miyagi is mature enough to have a relationship like this. But that's ok, because now they can grow together into being apt for each other :)

And ALSO!!!!! this doent even have to cancel the whole reincarnation theory (Miyagi's teacher reincarnating into Shinobu as her death and his birth would happen very closely to each other), or the fact that Shinobu mirrors young Miyagi. My issue with terrorist was never the age gap in itself (that's kinda what makes the story interesting xdxd), so what the fuck. Make Miyagi have his crush on his teacher at 21,, keep him twice Shinobu's age,, make Miyagi (42) truly deserve the old man title (not really but y'know) !!!!!!

.

.

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(also this is all bull this whole thing is part of my yuri au where they are all women, and I myself am 20, so in a way having misaki and shinobu so close in age to me allows me to use usamisa and miyanobu (and also yukisa) as scapegoats for my own fixation for older women 😋)

[peachhcs]

begging on my hands and knees everyday for more james and hannah, i’ll take sneaky link era, i’ll take them figuring their shit out, i’ll take their first hangout with everyone and everyone reacting to their boss lady and guy that does what she says dynamic for the first time. i’ll take anything honestly they are my new hyper fixation.

ayeeee becoming active again means answering my month old asks. apologies to whoever asked this so many eons ago 🙏 here's when hannah and james weren't quite public nor official yet and he makes a trip to michigan when samy is away for the weekend for a game and he has to hide in the stands of hannah's meet so no one recognizes him

classes are officially OVER so you all know that means i'm back and ready to supply with new fics and requests. thanks for sticking this out with me through my hiatus 🤗

au masterlist

with samy out in california for a soccer game, hannah had the whole apartment to herself for the entire weekend. her whole plan started as just using the time to study, cleaning up a bit, and just unwinding by herself since the start of the semester had been so hectic.

oh, how fast that changed.

hannah mentioned to james that she'd be alone this weekend, not thinking much of it. the next thing she knew he was texting her telling her he was currently boarding a plane for detroit. it quickly dawned on the brunette that james, her..whatever they were..was coming to michigan. to see her. for the whole weekend.

they would be by themselves for the whole weekend.

it felt so, so wrong to go behind samy's back like that. her and hannah were friends since day one. they told each other almost everything, besides this of course. and hannah wanted to tell samy about james but she just didn't know howm especially when the two didn't even know what exactly they were.

so hannah just decided not to tell samy. the girl would be in california the whole weekend. the younger duke sister would make the apartment look like james wasn't even there when he left sunday morning.

it was just a matter of making sure everyone else in ann arbor would not find out james was there because of her. not that it was hard or anything, but it was already going to be a hurdle because her parents were in town to watch her meet which meant tyler would be there and that meant his hockey friends would be there and that meant hannah needed to make sure james would be as unrecognizable as possible.

"i feel like they're gonna know it's me," james stated as he threw on a michigan hoodie and one of many baseball hats hannah owned.

"i mean..the only person you really know is tyler and maybe he won't see you if you sit far enough away from them," hannah bit her lip though because she was a little afraid of people finding out about her and james.

not because she was ashamed, but more because they didn't even know what they were and agreed to keep it a secret. plus, tyler might rip one to james if he knew he was dating his twin sister.

"hey, don't worry. no one is gonna find out," james caught her worry fast. he cupped her face with his hand, a reassuring look on his features so she would mirror them.

she leaned into his touch, but not too much because she just did all of her makeup. "i know, i know. i think it's just all around nerves."

"you're gonna be awesome out there. i don't know a gymnast better than you," the boy praised earning a blush on hannah's cheeks.

he leaned in to press a gentle, but loving kiss to her lips. he was definitely taking off all her lip gloss, but hannah didn't care. she loved kissing him and seeing his own lips have a shine to them afterwards. sure enough when she pulled away, james' lips were stained with her berry gloss.

"you taste like berries," the boy pointed out.

"yeah, you have some now," she reached up to swipe his bottom lip. the hockey player blushed a bit.

"good," james pecked her lips one last time before letting her go because she had to be at the arena soon.

"i'll see you later. you know how to get over there right?" hannah started collecting her bag.

"yup, don't worry. i'll call you if there's problems."

they exchanged one last goodbye (or more like 2 or 3) before hannah escaped her apartment. she walked with some of her teammates who lived close by, temporarily forgetting about the boy in her apartment as she started preparing for the meet.

the stands were pretty full like usual. michigan gymnastics was quite popular amongst the students, so the girls always got a good turnout whenever they were at home. hannah scanned the stands for her parents and brother during warmups. she spotted them in one of the middle rows and waved. tyler brought a handful of hockey boys with him like usual. she could make out moldy, tj, ethan, mark, and luca who also all waved and jumped up like crazy when the girl saw them.

hannah grinned and without being too obvious, tried finding where james ended up. between all of the other students and michigan fans, it was hard to spot him in the maize and blue.

she almost worried he didn't make it in until she finally found the hat he was wearing on the complete other side of the stands. he was sitting middle, hat pulled pretty low over his eyes, but she knew it was him. a tiny smile graced her lips before looking away so she didn't draw any attention to him.

the gymnast almost felt giddy with the idea of having her..situationship (?) hiding in the stands so he wouldn't get recognized by the other hockey players and student population in general. everyone always knew when hannah was talking to a guy, so this was a first for her.

james' gaze found where hannah's parents and brother was sitting across the stands. he figured that they wouldn't pick him out of the crowd being on the other side, but he kept his hat low just in case and tried to blend in as best as possible. his eyes were on hannah anyway, watching her warm up in her events which seemed like she was all-around today. the hockey player always got nervous when she was all-around because it was more chances she might hurt herself, but he also knew hannah was trained in this and injuries were low chances for the most part.

the meet began shortly after warmups finished. james used the screaming of the student section to also cheer when hannah was anounced. the duke sister waved to everyone with a wide smile and james couldn't help but think how much she fit in with everyone down there. it made sense why she loved it so much because he's never seen such a glow on her face besides right now.

michigan started with vault and james was on the perfect side for a good view of the dismount.

it was no secret how good the michigan girls were at gymnastics. it was why they drew such a big crowd at every meet, but even from vault, james could telll why they were nationally ranked in the top 10 DI college teams. the girls were good.

when hannah's turn came james' gaze never left her. her parents and brother from the other side also cheered her on with excitement. vault wasn't hannah's favorite or specialty, but she was still damn good at it.

she stuck the landing which earned a lot of cheering from her teammates and student section. james jumped up as well, one weight off his chest because the first event was over. the event he was most excited to see bars because it was hannah's favorite and also the one she was really good at. she was a gold medalist in this event. although, it also stressed james out because it was the scariest event in his opinion.

hannah was anchoring the group in bars like usual. james ended up catching her gaze when she glanced in his direction. a soft smile sat on his lips as a small gesture of encouragement. hannah returned it before looking away so no one caught onto who she was looking at. the boy glanced up to where her family was and luckily, no one seemed to really notice who she may be looking at.

when it was finally the brunette’s turn james literally held his breath as soon as she swung on. she was in the air not even seconds later. it made sense why bars was her best event because james had never seen a routine more clean and perfect as hers. she swung through her passes like a pro, hardly even missing a beat as she pointed her toes and straightened her legs within milliseconds of grabbing the next bar. his breath still hadn’t left his chest though because hannah needed to have a successful landing for him to breathe again.

she made her last pass and then geared up to make her dismount. she did three big swings before spinning off the bar and landing square on the mat. she didn’t even stumble or anything as she spun around to signal to the judges that she was finished.

more cheers erupted in the stands for hannah's successful routine and landing, always so elegant and graceful. james breathed easier now that she was back on the ground.

as suspected, hannah got almost close to a perfect score, 9.998 which was around the same as her vault. her teammates clapped her on the back for pushing michigan ahead of their opponents. the girl flushed at all of the praise and people in the stands chanting her name.

the rest of the meet went smoothly and hannah’s near perfect scores earned michigan their win. no wonder why she was an all-around because she definitely proved how good she was at all of the events in general.

james snuck out of the stands before someone started talking to him. he knew hannah would be caught up with her family and brother’s hockey friends so he decided to just head back to her apartment with the spare key to wait for her there. however, the two weren’t as sneaky as they hoped because moldy was the one who pulled the girl to the side to ask about it.

“you got eyes for someone nowadays?” the hockey player smirked. hannah played dumb though.

“what are you talking about?” she laughed.

“i saw you looking at the other side of the stands,” nick nudged her arm, the smirk still on his lips. he was like ryan and gabe were to samy who knew everything about her after becoming so close their freshman year when he loved a floor above her and samy.

“you’re funny,” the brunette shook her head.

“it doesn’t..happen to be one of the bc hockey guys does it?” nick said and hannah snapped her head back to him, shock written on all of her features.

“how did you..”

“i’m not that blind, duker. he’s pretty recognizable,” nick shrugged. “you can always pick out a hockey player in a crowd.”

“okay..well, don’t tell anyone. we’re not even..” hannah trailed off when she noticed the other guys looking in their direction.

“i got you. who’d i even tell anyway?” the taller boy smiled.

“my brother?” hannah said like it was obvious but nick shook his head. he left it at that as he casually rejoined the group while hannah’s parents took their turn congratulating her.

“you did so good, honey! congrats on winning!” her mom squeezed her daughter tighter.

“thanks mom. thanks for coming, it means a lot,” the girl grinned. a lot of the times, her parents had to pick which event they’d be at and most times, they chose dylan or tyler, so it was good to see them here tonight.

“we wanna take you out for dinner if that’s okay? celebrate your win!” sharon exclaimed and hannah grimaced. she knew james would be able to handle himself for a few hours, but she felt bad leaving him alone.

but her parents only came down so much…she’d just text the boy to apologize and promised she’d spend the rest of the night with him.

“yeah, that sounds great,” hannah quickly grinned and pulled her phone out to shoot a quick text.

hannah

got pulled for dinner, sorry!!!

hope you’ll be okay by yourself for a few hours promise i’ll be back soon!!

james

don’t worry i’ll be good!

have fun w ur parents :)

the girl smiled at his text before shoving her phone away and head to dinner with her family and brother’s friends.

—

the group parted ways when hannah’s parents dropped her and nick off by their apartment complex. coincidentally, nick lived in the same building as her and hannah again.

“so, how’d this whole thing start with haggy? i thought you didn’t date?” nick wondered while the gymnast blushed.

“i..i don’t…not really. i don’t know. we started talking over the summer kind of. i guess he’s liked me for..awhile,” hannah explained.

“so it’s like hookup?” it always sounded so bad putting it that way.

“maybe? i don’t know. yeah?” the girl flushed.

“do you like him?”

that was a scary question hannah always hated hearing. whenever someone asked her that it always made her freeze up. she wasn’t someone who liked people in that way. she liked them, sure, but more as something fun and never serious. whatever her and james had thought was starting to feel way different than anything else.

“yeah?” hannah said unsurely.

“that doesn’t sound sure,” nick raised his eyebrow and stopped as they made it to the front door of the building.

“i don’t even really know. you know how i am. i don’t go all in but..something about this is different. i..i wouldn’t mind..going all in,” her words brought a smile to nick’s lips.

“that’s a first coming from you, duker. i respect it though. he seems like a good guy so i’m not worried if something does end up happening,” nick chuckled while hannah shook her head.

they made their way inside to the elevator. hannah pressed 4 while nick pressed 7.

“well, my lips are sealed. i won’t tell,” nick agreed which hannah appreciated.

“i owe you,” she giggled as the door slid open to floor 4. she waved goodnight to nick and made her way down the hallway to her apartment. her and samy had a cat welcome mat at the front door that was dirty from when samy walked in with muddy sneakers after a rainy practice.

it was dark besides a small light from the hallway. hannah quietly shut the door and followed the soft glow to her bedroom. james was already tucked into her bed looking half asleep on his phone. his gaze bounced to her when she stepped into the doorway.

“oh, hey. sorry, i got tired,” he mumbled. the girl smiled.

“sorry to keep you up,” she hummed, kicking her shoes off and dropping her bag onto the ground.

“it’s fine. how was dinner?” james threw his phone down and made room in her bed for her.

hannah crawled in even though her hair was still up and she was in her warm up t-shirt and sweatpants. “it was good. my parents are good. brother is good.”

“good, i’m glad. you did really good today,” the hockey player complimented earning a bright blush on hannah’s cheeks.

“thank you. it was nice finally having you there.”

james smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. his eyes were dangerously close to closing again, but he wrapped his arm around her torso to bring her closer. hannah immediately snuggled into him without a second thought. it was..freeing to not have to worry about someone seeing them in the moment and they had the whole apartment to themselves for another day.

“i should make more spontaneous visits more often,” james mumbled sleepily.

“yeah, you should,” the duke sister agreed. she’d take having him here over anything and that was saying a lot.

the meet wiped her out, so it didn’t take long for hannah to fall asleep once james finally shut his eyes. they stayed wrapped up in one another the whole night.

[mugloversonly]

Letterman Exchange

For @stmarchmm prompts: Day 1: Courting rituals Day 21: different designation day 25: scentmates rating: M summary: Steve wants to court Eddie Munson, the beta freak of Hawkins High. He just needs the opportunity. AO3

Eddie Munson stood tall on a lunch table ranting about the basketball team again. Pretty much everyone tuned him out at this point, but Steve thought he was the most magnificent person in the entire school.

“You’re staring.” Tommy sneered. Steve glared at the other alpha.

“I wasn’t.” He denied, even though he definitely was.

“Steve you were drooling.” Carol laughed meanly. “What were you picturing? That beta freak on your knot or something.” She snorted. “Oh, Steve! Steve!” She mocked. Tommy joined in her laughter as Steve rolled his eyes.

He didn’t care that Eddie was a beta, he didn’t care that the school thought he was a freak. Steve wanted to court the man and he’d find a way.

----------

His opportunity came the following semester. They shared gym class, which luckily happened to be their final period. Eddie always arrived a few minutes early and would already be dressed down when the rest of the guys entered the locker room.

But after class, he either waited until everyone was done; or on days he had Hellfire, he grabbed his clothes and changed in a stall. Steve thought it was a little weird, but with the way everyone talked about the beta it wasn’t a surprise he wanted to keep himself out of harms way. As far as Steve knew, he never showered. Which wasn’t unusual for a last period gym class.

Steve ditched the last ten minutes of the class before gym with an excuse that he needed to talk to his coach. The teachers let him do whatever he wanted and he used that to his advantage. He quickly ran to his locker and grabbed out the bracelet he bought for Eddie.

It was simple, black leather with small spikes. A first courting gift of jewelry represented a serious intention to mate. Steve wanted Eddie to know that it didn’t matter his designation, Steve wanted him. He peeled back the scent patch at his wrist to scent it thoroughly, reapplied the patch, before he headed to the gym.

He slipped into the locker room and slid the bracelet into Eddie’s locker before he hid around the corner. A few minutes later, Eddie came in, early as always. He opened his locker and Steve held his breath as Eddie saw the bracelet.

He held it up to the light, as if inspecting it then sniffed it cautiously. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked around the locker room, suspiciously. Steve ducked back a little so he wouldn’t be spotted and Eddie shrugged his shoulders.

He slipped the bracelet on with a small smile before he changed into his gym clothes. He sprayed himself down with some sort of scent neutralizer before he shut his locker and bounded into the gym.

That was odd; scent patches were required at school and betas normally had a pretty neutral scent to begin with, why would Eddie need to mask it more? He couldn’t think of a reason for it as he waited for the bell to ring and the rest of the class to enter the locker room.

He dressed down and went into the gym, his eyes settled on Eddie as he talked to some of the girls in the class holding his wrist up so they could smell it. Likely, he was trying to find out who left it for him. Robin Buckley, a really uncoordinated junior, pointed in his direction with a shrug.

Eddie’s eyes snapped to him and Steve raised his hand, wiggling his fingers a little. Eddie nodded in confusion but turned away. The gym class continued like normal and like every Wednesday, Eddie grabbed his clothes and changed in a stall.

As he left the locker room, his gaze stopped on Steve. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were narrowed. Steve assumed that meant Eddie didn’t want to court and that was fine. It stung, but he understood.

-------------

The next morning, Steve went to his locker to grab his text books and found a hair tie with Eddie’s scent on it in his locker. Eddie accepted his request.

He ditched the period before lunch and ran to the store to get Eddie some flowers. Before the end of the period, he taped a handful of roses to Eddie’s locker. Flowers as a gift, told him he wanted to have every moment of joy no matter how fleeting with him. He peaked around the corner again as he waited for Eddie to find the flowers.

Instead of the curious excitement from the day before, Eddie quickly pulled the flowers down and shoved them into his locker. His eyes darted around until they fell on Steve, hiding around the corner. He very deliberately, but subtly, tilted his head to the side before he turned and walked down the corridor.

Steve took the hint and followed at a casual pace, doing his best to seem like everything was normal. Eddie exited the building out the back and walked into the woods with Steve far enough behind, no one would guess they were together. Eddie disappeared but Steve knew where they were headed.

A few minutes after he entered the woods, Steve stumbled to the bench Eddie did his deals, but it was empty. With a rush of movement, Steve found himself pinned to a tree with a switch blade at his neck. His hands went up in surrender and he bared his neck in submission as best as he could.

“What are you doing, Harrington?” Eddie growled. Steve stared in confusion before he spoke.

“You signaled like you wanted me to follow you.” He said but it came out like a question. Eddie’s blade dug a little deeper into Steve’s neck and the beta bared his teeth.

“Why the bracelet yesterday and the flowers today?” He asked. He pulled Steve forward a bit before slamming him back into the tree. “Huh?”

“They’re courting gifts! I thought you accepted, your scrunchy was in my locker!” Steve explained with his hands still raised. He was so confused right now. Eddie’s brow furrowed too.

“Can I see it?” He asked calmly as he backed up and put his knife away, satisfied that there wasn’t a threat. Steve nodded and pulled out the piece of elastic. It was black and had little skulls on it. Eddie took the piece of fabric and inspected it carefully.

“I didn’t put this in your locker.” Eddie said. “But, I know who did.” He sighed and moved to sit on the bench.

“Who?” Steve asked as he too took a seat.

“Gareth, my band mate. I told him about your bracelet yesterday and I guess, he took matters into his own hands.” Eddie rolled his eyes. Steve deflated, his shoulders bent inward.

“So, you don’t want to court then?” He asked sadly. That sucked. But Eddie quickly jumped up and stared at him, his eyes big and pleading.

“No, I do! I told Gareth last night that I wanted to and he told me I should give you a gift in return but…” Eddie crumbled back to the seat. “I’m scared.” He admitted softly. Steve thought about all the beta had to endure, especially from the jocks, and he could see how that may be terrifying.

“Of me?” Steve whispered. Eddie turned to Steve and held his gaze.

“A little, yeah. I’m scared this is a joke to mess with the freak.” He whispered. Steve took Eddie’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the scent patch there.

“It’s not. I would never do that. I really like you Eddie, I think you’re fun and loud. You stand up for your friends and you just have this beautiful smile with these dimples.” Steve said. Eddie’s face lit up into that smile he loved so much. “There it is.” He said as he poked Eddie’s cheek. Eddie turned away shyly before the smile slid off his face.

“What about your friends?” Eddie asked accusingly.

“What about them?”

“Will they be okay with the King dating the Freak or will they make my life hell?” Eddie made a good point but it still made a growl build in Steve’s chest.

“I’d never let anyone hurt you. No one will fuck with you or anyone in Hellfire.” Steve promised. Eddie nodded thoughtfully.

“There’s one more thing I have to tell you before I can accept.” Eddie took a deep breath. “Promise you won’t tell anyone, even if it changes your mind?” Eddie held his gaze again, his eyes were big, wet, and wide.

“I promise.” Steve agreed even as he knew there wouldn’t be anything Eddie could say to change his mind.

“I’m an omega.” Eddie whispered. He reached up and pulled the scent patch off his neck. The faint lavender scent that had been present on the scrunchy bloomed out in full force with the softness that marked Eddie as omega tickling Steve’s nose for the first time.

“Holy shit.” He whispered softly, a little lightheaded by it. He leaned in closer to smell right at the source. His eyes dilated a little before he clawed off his own scent patch. His pine forest and fresh dirt scent wafted out and Eddie gasped at the rich alpha scent. He tucked his nose against Steve’s neck practically huffing the man.

Eddie whimpered when Steve pulled away but tried to cover it with a cough. His body heated a little and slick flowed between his legs. He saw Steve in a similar state. The alpha’s cock hardened visibly and his pupils were ringed in red. Eddie could only assume his were rimmed in gold.

“Scentmates?” Steve whispered.

“Scentmates.” Eddie agreed. A cramp hit his stomach. “Steve, I think I’m going into a false heat.” He gulped. In heath, they learned when alphas and omegas found their scentmates, there was a high chance one or both of them would go into a false mating cycle. It’s why scent patches were required at school. With the dazed look in Steve’s eyes, Eddie could assume Steve was in the same boat.

Steve blinked distractedly at Eddie until his alpha instinct to protect his omega kicked in. He knew his body would hold off the rut until his mate was safe, but they had a time limit. Steve hoisted Eddie into his arms and carried him through the woods. A quick look around guaranteed there was no one in the parking lot; class must have started. He sprinted to his car and deposited Eddie in the passenger seat.

“My van.” He whispered as another cramp hit him.

“We’ll get it later, I promise.” Steve said as he climbed in.

“If you someone fucks with it, you’re paying to fix it.” Eddie warned.

“Deal.” Steve laughed. “Do you want me to take you home or my place?” Eddie thought about it before ultimately deciding he wanted his nest.

“Steve, I’m not sure I’m ready to spend my heat with you, even a false one.” Eddie admitted. The alpha in him whined but logically he understood. They never really talked before today and Eddie deserved to go at his own pace.

So once he got to Eddie’s trailer, he didn’t get out. Eddie shuffled to the door but before he went inside he jogged back to Steve. He took the bandanna out of his pocked and rubbed it along his neck, scenting it thoroughly. While he did that, Steve stripped off his polo, then his undershirt, and put his polo back on. He scented the fabric and exchanged it for Eddie’s bandanna.

The scent exchange from the omega was an agreement to court and from the alpha it was a promise to keep Eddie safe. Eddie brought the shirt to his nose and moaned softly at the spicy scent of rut.

“Okay, I have to go inside before my slick turns my driveway into a slip and slide. Or should I say, a slick and slide.” Eddie laughed.

“That was terrible.” He chuckled even as he groaned deep in his throat at the image. “I’ll pick you up for school tomorrow.” Steve promised.

“Bye, alpha.” Eddie said suggestively. Steve made sure the omega got inside safely before he drove home as fast as he dared, the rut now settling into his body. His knot was already swelling with Eddie’s arousal still permeating the air.

Once he got home, he dropped his mouth open to drink in more of Eddie’s scent. His hips jerked up and he grunted as he came untouched in his boxers. As he caught his breath, he cracked the windows and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

--------------

By the next morning, the false mating cycles had cleared from their systems and Steve stood by his car, waiting for Eddie to lock up. Normally, he’d knock and walk his omega to the car, but Eddie was already on the porch when he showed up, so as not to disturb his uncle.

He opened the passenger door, with a hand out to assist Eddie inside even though he didn’t need it, and closed the door after him. He headed to the driver’s side, and slid in to head toward the school. They didn’t speak for a few minutes until Eddie took a deep breath.

“I accept your courting Stevie, but I don’t want to come out as an omega. Is that okay?” Eddie asked, suddenly unsure.

“I thought you were a beta anyway.” Steve said. “I’m not going to make you change that for me. You have your reasons for hiding you designation; and while I’d like to know why, I wouldn’t force you to tell me or out you.” Steve promised.

“Thanks, Stevie.” Eddie smiled. Steve took his hand and rested them both on his thigh.

“I do have a request.” Steve said as he glanced over. Eddie gave him his undivided attention. “Wear my Letterman?” Steve asked. Eddie grinned.

“Want the whole school to know I’m yours, Harrington?” He teased.

“Maybe.” He mumbled. Eddie removed his jacket and grabbed Steve’s Letterman from the back seat. He slipped it on, and Steve’s alpha rumbled in approval. When they got to the school, Steve ran around and opened Eddie’s door. Eddie stepped out of the car, holding his vest.

“Wear it, Harrington. It’s my Letterman.” Eddie smirked. Steve didn’t hesitate, he slipped the vest on and popped the collar slightly.

“How do I look?” He asked. Eddie threw his arms around the alpha’s shoulder and leaned in to press their lips together for the first time. His blood sang as he hands settled on Eddie’s hips.

“Like mine.” Eddie sighed against his lips. The warning bell forced them to end the embrace and head into the building. All eyes were on them as Steve walked Eddie to his locker.

“Can I sit with you at lunch?” Steve asked. Eddie leaned against his locker, almost shyly.

“As long as you don’t mind sitting with us Freaks and Geeks.” Eddie smiled. Steve dropped another kiss on the man’s lips.

“Not at all.”

------------------

Later in the cafeteria, Steve moved toward the Hellfire table but was stopped by Tommy.

“Dude, what the hell? First you wear that Freak’s ugly ass vest, then you sit at his table?” Tommy sneer. “Are you pranking that loser beta or something?” Tommy asked gleefully. Steve growled loud enough that the whole room quieted.

“That ‘loser beta’” Steve began, the quotations evident in his voice. “Is my beta. I’m courting him and if you value your life, I suggest you leave him and his friends alone.” He bared his fangs at the other alpha and turned to the rest of the room. “That goes for everyone. Keep my beta’s name out of your unworthy mouths or I’ll knock your teeth out.” He snarled for good measure and walked to his omega with his head held high.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Eddie said with a chunk of hair pulled over his face to hide his smug smile.

“I know.” Steve answered. But his alpha preened. His omega was pleased and Steve would do whatever it took to keep him safe and happy.

“So, Harrington?” One of the other Hellfire guys said; Steve thinks this must be Gareth. “Did you really do a body shot out of Heather Co-” the rest of the question was cut off by Eddie throwing an eraser at the guy.

tags

@katyawriteswhump

buy me a coffee

[wildsupernova]

too sweet.

summary: she was too sweet for him, everybody knew that. still, he couldn’t stay away, and neither could she, even when the sugar made his head spin and the bitterness burned her throat.

pairing: steve harrington x reader

warnings: brief mentions of sexual content, nothing too serious really

word count: 900

a/n: hey! just wanted get something up while i work on some longer pieces. i’m currently finishing up my second semester of my second year of college, so i haven’t had time or energy to write much of anything lately. figured i’d write a little blurb when i got the time to keep the content coming for you guys. anyway, hope you enjoy! hopefully new longer content will be coming soon. if you enjoy, leave a like, reblog, or a comment, whatever, any little bit of engagement helps. :)

masterlist | prompts list

She was too good for Steve, everyone knew that. She was a delicate, well groomed rose bush and he was the patch of weeds that grew in her planter box, stealing every last bit of water from her until her leaves turned brown and fell from her stem. He wasn’t someone a girl like her should ever be associating with, but something kept him coming back to her, and her to him. 

They didn’t speak in school, sharing stolen glances from across the hall, soft stares that turned desperate when they were filled with memories of two nights ago. To Steve’s friends, she was nothing more than a conquest, and to hers he was nothing more than a walking red warning sign telling her to run the other way. To each other, they were something they couldn’t quite name, unsure if it was love or boredom or something else entirely. But boredom wouldn’t have you running back to someone like this, wouldn’t have you lying awake thinking about them and your heart racing every time you shared a glance. 

He was the type to fall asleep when the sky was dark and wake long after the birds had already started singing, and she never crawled in or out of bed any later than the sun. He’d tried to see her once, crawl through her window after every streetlight had flickered on, but she hadn’t answered his taps on her window, duvet blocking out any sound that might disturb her early sleep. Two mornings later and he’s woken from his own sleep by the ringing of his phone, her sweet voice begging him to watch the sunrise with her at Lovers Lake. He had complained and told her it was far too early, but when she told him she got up that early everyday he simply laughed and grabbed his keys from the bedside table.

He asked her once if she’d ever thought about sleeping in, or staying out late to watch the stars around a bonfire. She’d shook her head, told him routine was what she needed, that she could get the most out of her day if she went to bed early, but that same night she’d made it back home long after the moon took its place in the sky, hair frizzy and skirt twisted sideways. 

She reminded him of when he’d drank a Screwdriver for the first time, far too sweet for him to handle without his head spinning, but giving him enough of a buzz that he couldn’t stop sipping it. He reminded her of the single sip of her father’s whiskey spiked coffee, the kind that turned her tongue bitter and burned her throat on the way down, but had her heart racing all the same. 

He always laughed at the way she’d scold him for his dirty mouth. He didn’t think he’d ever heard a single ‘bad word’ come out of her, and everytime one came out of him, she was quick to smack him on the shoulder and tell him off like a mother. She kept her body guarded, rarely letting his hands wander too far until it was two hours later and she was desperate for them to be anywhere else but on her face. He started to wake up earlier just to hear the birds sing about her. 

He started seeing her in everything. In the rainy days where the sun was still in the sky, the soft patter of raindrops hitting his window sounding more and more like her laugh every time. He saw her in the wisteria vines that climbed the trellis in his mother’s garden, in the sip of wine he stole from his mother’s glass. He told himself he could wait a few years until he didn’t burn so much, until he became a better man who could handle how sweet she was. She told him she didn’t mind the burn, didn’t mind the bitterness, but if he wanted to wait until he was smoother for her, she could do that. She could wait.

2 years later and she's still just as sweet, smooth like an aged bottle of wine but with that small bitter hint you don’t really notice until you’re two glasses in. He’s smoother, like the shot of bourbon sitting next to her on her kitchen counter, but he still burns just enough for her to recognize him. She downs the amber in the glass and tells him she can handle the burn, and he tells her that sweet still makes his head spin, even after all this time.

Suddenly he’s the one waking before the sun, slaving away over an oven and a glass of wine left out from the night before, birds singing the same song they used to years ago. He’s in bed by sunset because she’d pulled him to the bedroom by the arm, lips lingering on his skin in the same way he used to linger on hers. He finds himself watching his language and she lets a few dirty words slip now and then, and her hands move his lower when she gets tired of them on her waist. He still sees her in the rain and the roses outside of his apartment, down to the small thorns hidden just beneath the beautiful crimson petals. She sees him in the thunder storms and the dandelions, beautiful and dangerous all the same. 

Suddenly, Screwdrivers aren’t too sweet for him anymore, and whiskey doesn’t burn her throat quite like it used to.

[general--winter]

May I please request headcanons for Naoto, Yu, and Kanji reacting to their S/O having anger issues and snapping when a bully goes too far?

author's note: So, hi y'all! i've had quite a year, i'll make a post later. I wanted to clear out the one or two things I had already finished in my WIP folder, though, so this is my return for now.

rating: teen

fandom: persona 4

pairing: shirogane naoto x gn!reader, narukami yu x gn!reader, tatsumi kanji x gn!reader

word count: 1336

summary: you stand up to your bullies! wish i was this brave when i was in high school and college LOL

Naoto Shirogane

For months, Naoto has heard story upon story about how you have been putting up with crap from a group of people in your club. It’s all endless, from how they give you backhanded compliments about your skills to them “accidentally” giving you the broken equipment and watching you fail over and over again for their amusement.

Honestly, you weren’t even aware of half of the incidents being their fault, Naoto had to be the one to sneak into your club room to investigate and find that your stuff was being tampered with in the first place. She absolutely hated breaking the news to you, but she knew she had to tell you the truth. What wasn’t expected, however, was the pure rage that shot through your eyes. Naoto thought there might be sadness, maybe even tears if you were particularly emotionally vulnerable at that moment, but this was so unlike you. “Let me handle it,” is what you told her. She kept her eyes on you from then on.

Which is exactly why she caught the beginning of the incident the next day over lunch. A leader of your club struck up a conversation with you at your desk, and Naoto immediately noticed you were snippy with them. It wasn’t until they dealt a snide comment, however, that you slammed your hands on your desk, sending your empty bento flying to the floor and catching the attention of every student in the room.

What came out of your mouth next could be described by Naoto as… needlessly vulgar. You tore into the leader, listing off bullying incident after incident in cruel detail, as well as what it said about the leader and their deepest insecurities that they actually did those things. It wasn’t for a few moments until Naoto realized that she had helped you put that list together (...sans emotional damage, of course) herself if you ever decided you wanted to go to the principal with the information. Oh, dear, she would think. I really should put a stop to this.

While you were in the process of tearing the club member down with a snide smirk, talking about how “their efforts will only set their own club performance and university admissions back” and “if they wanted attention so badly, well now they’ve got it undivided from the entire room”, Naoto took a hold of your wrist and dragged you out of the room, gently sliding the door shut.

Your breathing haggard from anxiety, she would drag you to a barren corner and tentatively hug you for a long time before pulling back and placing her hands on your shoulders, suggesting with a sigh: “I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself, but next time do not use my data for your vigilante justice? Please?”

Yu Narukami

The last week of school was rough for everyone, but particularly you. On top of winter semester finals, you had to deal with a… let’s say, cast of characters that leeched on to whatever insecurity you radiated and made it as much of their problem as it was yours. Underhanded compliments, disguising random rude gifts as acts of kindness… Yu especially hated it when they played you into thinking they were your close friends. Couldn’t you see that the Investigation Team was more supportive of you than they could ever be? Couldn’t you see that he was trying his best to lift you up when all they wanted to do was bring you down?

But Yu isn’t about forcing people into their decisions. As much as he has a soft spot for you, he’s going to let you figure this one out yourself, of course with his own support. More times than he could count, Yu listened to your suspicions with an open ear and a sympathetic face, always reminding you of your positive traits. It was the only thing he could think of that would help, but your sorrow turned to anger slowly. Almost too slow for him to notice.

He’ll be clued in real quickly, though, when he sees you flinging a tray of “food” at a group of people crowded around you on the school roof. He’ll be shocked - Yu’s never seen you get violent with anything but Shadows. He seriously thought you didn’t have a mean bone in your body. However, he couldn’t help but feel a little bit of pride for his partner standing up for themselves. Maybe, you could hold back on the string of curses that flow from your mouth, though!

After this event, when the bullies run off covered in whatever mystery substance they had placed in your lunch box, Yu is there to sit beside you as the weight of your actions hit you.

“I… I just threw that shit at them,” you murmured to yourself, barely registering Yu’s presence beside you.

“You stood up for yourself, he clarified, just sitting down to wrap an arm around your shoulders. “I’m proud of you.”

Kanji Tatsumi

Kanji has always wanted to handle the problem himself. Every time he finds you upset or you have yet another problem with a bully, he’s ready to throw his weight around to close their mouths for you. You always refuse though, with a level of grace that sends Kanji into a fit that he has to tamper down. He wished he could take away every single problem in your life, but he trusted you to do it in the way that was best for you. However, that smile on your face was always there when everyone shit on you. Gleaming, wide, mistakenly joyous. But it never reached your eyes. It wasn’t even like Kanji’s own situation. He chose to look and dress and act the way he does. But you were being bullied for something you couldn’t control. It drove him, for lack of a better term, damn crazy. Which is why he was giddy when he caught the scene in front of Yasogami after school that day.

A circle of students were gasping and egging on some sort of event happening in the middle. With his shoulder, Kanji easily wedged into the inner ring, though he seriously couldn’t believe what he was looking at when he got there. You were hammering your knee into the stomach of the ringleader of the group of bullies, propping up their body with a fist in their uniform collar to take more blows. In between the crowd's noises, you cried out, "This is what you get for every. Single. Terrible. Hurtful. Word!" Before he could think anything, he was pulling you off of the bully, arms hooked under your shoulders, feet dragging against the concrete and asphalt as Kanji once again split the crowd. This time, it was his mere presence that had people parting easier than Yaso-Inaba's fields of wild grass in a storm's wind.

You didn't struggle against him at all, your limbs just went limp while Kanji carry-dragged you down the pathway to the Samegawa Floodplain. Kanji was proud of you for standing up for yourself. That was the first thing he told you after he sat you on top of his jacket on one of the walkway's benches, misted from the afternoon rain sputter.

Despite his words, your thoughts swirled. What had you just done? You never thought of yourself as the type of person to just… snap in public like that, but it happened. The lid on your ugly thoughts and feelings came undone, and you'd let them loose. Kanji settled next to you, placing an incredibly stiff arm across your shoulders as you shoved your face into your hands. "I know I'm not—shit… the best person to be lecturin' on this, but," he started, his voice gruff and unsteady, "you stood up for yourself, right? Maybe starting a walloping like that in the school yard might not have been your best moment, but, what I'm trying to say is, y-you did good. In my book, at least." 

[steddieasitgoes]

written for @eddiemonth Day 16 Prompt: Library & Curious a/n: This one might be my favorite one I've written yet! It's set at the start of season 2! read on ao3 | link to my ao3 Edde Month series

Eddie’s well aware there are a lot of stupid classes that Hawkins High requires its student body to take. Algebra (there’s no reason for the alphabet and numbers to mix, except in very rare cases, like D20 type cases), Physics (what more do they need to know beyond what goes up, must come down), French (as if anyone from Bumfuck, Indiana could afford to go to France — okay maybe some can, but Eddie’s certainly not one of them that’s for damn sure), goddamn Physical Education (only way he’s running is if someone is chasing him, thank you very much). But the stupidest class of all has to be Study Hall.

An entire class dedicated to doing work for other classes? What kind of idiot dreamed this one up? Instead of letting them out an hour early, some guy, probably in a suit because all bad ideas come from guys in suits, decided to hold them hostage to do more work. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention, it’s one of the few times, outside of lunch, that the grades get to mingle with each other. Sure, lots of studying goes on in between freshmen drooling over seniors and sophomores paying juniors for last year’s test answers.

The only time Eddie actually liked study hall was during his sophomore year when he had it first period and could do all the homework he neglected to do the night before. It’s the only time it actually made sense. And the only time, thus far in his high school career, that Eddie actually turned in more assignments than not.

But now, he’s a senior stuck with study hall as his last class of the day, and he wants to die. Okay, maybe not die die. But die in the sense that he’d rather risk bodily harm escaping the hellscape that is the Hawkins library during 6th-period study hall than sit here. His freedom is so close — nothing but a few windows and a brick wall separating him from the brisk late-October air. Eddie can’t risk it, though. He’s already reached his detention quote for the semester, and if he wants to keep using the drama room for Hellfire meetings, he has to sit in this damn library seat and at least pretend to get some work done.

Which, honestly, isn’t the worst thing in the world. At least it gives him time to work on his latest Hellfire campaign without the prying eyes of Jeff and Gareth or the unnecessary questions from Freak. Sure, he’s supposed to be working on an essay for English Lit, but he doesn’t think Ms. Washington is going to appreciate his take on Frankenstein, so he’ll worry about coming up with a dumbed-down idea another day.

Besides, even focusing on his new campaign is hard enough with the idle chatter going on that the librarian is either pretending not to hear or is too tired of shushing them for.

It’s the usual sort of study hall gossip. Who’s screwing who. What teacher is going to pull a pop quiz tomorrow and become the biggest asshole at Hawkins High. The occasional nervous whispers of the geeks actually studying.

It’s all mindless chatter that drifts into the background when the topic of Tina’s Halloween Bash comes up. That’s the real gossip of the night. Who got the keg, and what other alcohol is being provided? Who is going to be the best dressed? What couple is going to get caught screwing in Tina’s parent’s bed? Are there going to be any good fights or breakups?

Eddie rolls his eyes. Jesus H. Christ, can’t anybody be original around here?

Unfortunately for Eddie, there’s no escaping Tina’s Halloween Bash since he’s been summoned to provide some extra party favors, as the “cool” kids like to call them. Eddie, never one to back down from being a thorn in a “cool” kid’s side, always responds with the same spiel: “Drugs. What you want is drugs, right? Or should I go raid Melvald’s for you?”

Whatever. Money is money, and Eddie can take all the money he can get his grubby hands on if he wants to get out of this shit-hole town when he graduates in June.

Glancing at his watch, he tips his head back in a silent groan of annoyance. Only ten minutes have passed since he slunk into the uncomfortable library seat. Christ, why does time move so slow, sometimes? Eddie tries to focus on his Hellfire notes in front of him, and he’s successful for all of thirty seconds before something catches his attention in the corner of his eye.

Nancy Wheeler and the former Hawkins High King, Steve Harrington, are whispering to each other by the pencil sharpener. He rolls his eyes. Of course, no one else in the library is paying them any mind. And why would they? Harrington fell from grace last year, and Wheeler isn’t exactly the “look at me” type. Still, Eddie finds them morbidly interesting in a way he finds all the tragic heterosexual couples in this stupid small town interesting.

Before Eddie has a chance to fall deeper into his cynical outlook on this stupid Hawkins High couple, Wheeler starts tugging Harrington toward the private study room in the back of the library. It’s a move that shocks Eddie to his core. Don’t get him wrong, he’s heard all bout Harrington’s little trysts in that very room over the years (thank you gossip mill for the very cheap porn), but he never would have assumed Wheeler would be the one tugging him toward it.

It’s that detour from who she’s supposed to be that has Eddie peeling himself off his chair.  At least, that’s what he tells himself as he saunters toward the stack of books in the back of the library closest to the private room. If he hears moaning or anything remotely sounding like they’re hooking up, he promises himself he’ll leave. He’s a freak in many ways, but a creep, he is not.

Glancing over his shoulder, Eddie can see the two of them in the small room. They’re close but not close enough to be doing anything beyond talking. From the look on her face, doing anything of that sort isn’t even on her mind.

Interesting.

Eddie creeps closer.

“Barbara. It’s like nobody cares. Except her parents. And now they’re selling their house.”

“Nance—“

Wheeler rants about something, but he misses most of it. Only catching the very end.

“It’s destroying them.”

No shit, Eddie thinks with another dramatic eye roll. Of course, losing their only daughter is destroying them. The Hollands are one of the few families around here that actually have a heart. At least they did before Barbara tore it from them by running away. Or so the story goes. Eddie’s always been a bit suspicious of Holland’s disappearance. He knows the runaway type, and a straight-A girl, with a well-off family who loves them like Holland had doesn’t fit the bill.

“I know. Okay? I get it,” Harrington says, glancing away from Wheeler to peer out the window. Eddie grabs the first book on the shelf and buries his face in it. It must fool Steve because he starts talking again. “But listen, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

“Yeah, we could tell them the truth.”

“This isn’t some game, Nance. If they found out that we told any…” He trails off again, and Eddie reaches for another book.

Eyes peering over the pages, Eddie watches as he shuts the blinds before presumably returning to Wheeler. With the blinds shut and their voices even lower, he can no longer hear what they’re talking about. Which is a damn shame because Eddie’s never been more curious about what the disgraced King was about to say than right now. 

+ + +

“M’telling you guys. It was weird,” Eddie says through a mouthful of Doritos.

They’re hanging out in Gareth’s garage. Jeff sits in the old recliner while Gareth stays perched behind his drum kit. Freak is running late, as usual, though Eddie’s not too pressed about it today. Too distracted filling the boys in on what he overheard in the library.

“I don’t know man; it sounds like she was just concerned about her best friend,” Gareth says, lightly tapping his drumsticks on his snare.

“Yeah, those two were inseparable, remember.”

“All the more reason why it’s weird she’s been mopping around lately. Obviously, she knows where Holland is. Or what happened to her.”

“Not this again,” Jeff groans, sinking further into the recliner.

“Yes, this again,” Eddie retorts, throwing Jeff an intense glare. “This town is weird as shit. If the Byers kid can come back from the dead—“

“I thought they proved it wasn’t actually Byers they found in the quarry,” The Freak says, finally joining them in the garage. 

“They did, but Eddie still thinks—“

“Shut up!” Eddie shouts, taking a moment to throw a Dorito at all of their heads. “Let me level with you for a second, okay? Yeah, sure, they said that kid wasn’t Byers, but they never said whose kid it was, which is weird. And then right after that, they “find” Holland’s car? It’s too coincidental, man. You know a story isn’t right when it’s too easy.”

“This isn’t one of our campaigns,” Gareth sighs. “Sometimes things really are just accidental coincidences.”

Eddie shakes his head, running his Dorito-stained fingers over his face. “Nah, man, m’not buying it this time. Harrington and Wheeler know what really happened to Holland. And I think they’re responsible for it.”

“So, what?” Jeff asks, leaning forward so his elbows rest on his knees. “You think they made her disappear or something.”

“Maybe Harrington got Holland knocked up, and his family gave her money to leave.”

“See!” Eddie shouts, slapping his hands together as he jumps on the balls of his feet. “Freak gets it! That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.”

“Okay, but if Harrington knocked Wheeler’s best friend up, why would she still be dating him?” Jeff asks.

“And why would they both be hiding her from her parents?” Gareth adds.

Okay, so maybe these are valid questions, but Eddie doesn’t appreciate the doubts they’re throwing at him. “I don’t appreciate you doubting me,” he says plainly. “You’ll see. M’gonna figure this out.”

“Right, just like you figured out that Ms. O’Donnell was actually failing you for a reason and not because she had some vendetta against Wayne for not dating her.”

“Hey. That was a good theory, okay. One I still think is true, by the way.” Turning his back on the boys, Eddie crosses the room and tosses the empty bag of Doritos into the trash bin before heading towards his badly parked van.

“I thought we were practicing!” Gareth shouts after him.

“Just let him go,” Jeff sighs. “He’s impossible to work with when he’s in conspiracy theory mode.”

Eddie flips Jeff off, climbing into the van. “I’ll see you boys tomorrow.”

+ + +

Eddie’s been at Tina’s party for an entire hour and a half, and there’s still no sign of Harrington or Wheeler. Not that he’s actively searching them out, of course. He’s just had some downtime in between upselling Hagan for the world’s shittiest pot he could get his hands on, and explaining to some cheerleader how Special K hits differently if you snort it. Plus, his supply ran out about ten minutes ago, so he’s just buying time before someone notices him lingering and kicks his ass to the curb.

He’s about to save himself and whatever jock gets thrown his way the trouble, when he spots Harrington and Wheeler arguing by the punch bowl. He’s too far away to hear what they’re saying, but he has a sneaking suspicion it has less to do with the conversation he heard in the library and more to do with Wheeler’s drunken state. Case in point: the red liquid she just spilled all over her blouse.

Chasing after her, Harrington cuts through the crowd and makes his way toward one of the bathrooms. Eddie waits a minute before following them down the crowded hallway. Thankfully, no one is in line for this bathroom — still too early in the night for the alcohol to have hit their bladders — so he’s first in the unofficial bathroom line. Leaning casually against the wall, Eddie angles his ear closer to the door so he can hear inside.

It takes a minute for his ears to tune out the music and nonsense chatter, but when they do, he can clearly hear Wheeler slurring her words.

“You’re pretending like everything’s okay. You know, like we didn’t… like we didn’t kill Barb.”

Eddie’s never experienced shock before, at least, he doesn’t think he has; the early days of his life are a little hazy around the edges, but that’s the only word he thinks fits what he’s experiencing right now. Part of him wants to shove his ear closer to the door to continue listing, while the other part of him wants to run for the hills, screaming in victory. And if he’s straight with himself, maybe screaming in fear a little, too. Harrington and Wheeler murderers? Who knew?

He knew, that’s who!

He knew there was something shady going on between those two.

Pressing his ear closer, he can hear Wheeler slurring more words, though he’s not exactly sure what she’s saying. Honestly, he doesn’t really care what she’s saying. He’s listening for Harrington’s response right now. What does the mighty King have to say about the bomb she’s just dropped?

“This is bullshit,” she slurs.

“Like we’re in love?” Steve asks.

Huh, clearly, Eddie missed a step or two in his shocked state.  He’s not exactly sure how the conversation strayed from them killing Holland to their, clearly, toxic relationship, but the fact it did is all the proof Eddie needs. If they didn’t kill her, Harrington would have been vehemently denying her claim. And yet, he sounds like a kicked puppy dog right now because she doesn’t love him.

Join the club, Harrington.

The doorknob starts to jiggle, and Eddie bolts. It’s not that he’s afraid about coming face-to-face with the two who apparently killed Holland. It’s just that, well, he needs a minute to think about the information he’s just learned.

+ + +

With Gareth and Freak both busy supervising their siblings around Hawkins and Jeff on candy duty for his family’s house, Eddie has no one to share the good bad news with. RIP Holland and all that, but he’s sitting on some serious dirt right now.

The good part of Eddie’s brain knows he should head straight for the police station. Pull good ole’ Chief Hopper aside and gloat about how he did his job for him. But Eddie’s spent enough time at the stuffy station to know no one is going to believe him especially not against Harrington and Wheeler. He’d have better luck marching in there and turning himself in for her murder. Not that he’s going to do that.

He supposes he could tell Wayne about it, but he doesn’t need to be dragging his uncle into any more of his messes. And since Eddie has no proof beyond overhearing a drunken confession, a mess it’ll surely turn into.

So, he opts for the third option and heads out to Skull Rock to do some thinking.

Maybe Freak is right, and it was some sort of jealous rage brought on by a Holland-Harrington pregnancy. Or maybe Holland saw something she shouldn’t have; the possibilities are endless, and Eddie’s imagination is limitless.

Eventually, he circles back to what he’s supposed to do with this information. Should he turn them in? Maybe not Wheeler; she seems like she’s experienced enough guilt as it and the girl has a bright future or whatever it is the teachers are always talking about. Harrington, though? Harrington, he should turn in, right? I mean, he didn’t even seem phased when Wheeler brought up the murder. Eddie’s watched enough horror movies to know that’s psychopath behavior right there. Besides, it would be nice to see the King behind bars. But then again, he hasn’t been the King in a while. And Harrington’s never really done anything to Eddie beyond standing idle while Hagan threw slurs at him. But he’s not hanging out with Hagan anymore, so maybe he should cut him some slack.

Though they did murder someone.

Jesus H. Christ.

Maybe this is why they say curiosity killed the cat — Eddie’s head is throbbing. He’s about to take another hit from his joint when he hears leaves crunching in the distance.

Shit.

Someone’s coming.

Snubbing out his joint against the rock, Eddie tries his best to make it seem like he’s just here, escaping the busy Halloween night. Which, like, he definitely is, but he can’t be too safe. Especially not when there are two teenage murderers on the loose.

“She thinks m’bullshit? She’s bullshit! Bullshit.”

The voice is unmistakable.

Jesus H. Christ could tonight get any weirder.

Eddie’s only escape is to run deeper into the forest, and he’s not about to do that so he makes himself comfortable on top of Skull Rock like a fucking sitting duck. Searching the pockets of his vest, he yanks out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. Neither of which he was looking for. Of course, he left his pocket knife in his van. Stupid. So stupid!

There’s a moment of silence before Harrington emerges from the clearing. The moon is bright above them, making Steve’s tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes glow in the otherwise dark forest.

Maybe he is feeling guilty after all.

“Ah, fuck,” Harrington groans, stumbling to the ground.

Eddie watches as he rolls around for a moment, struggling to find his footing. If Eddie were a mean person, he might let Harrington suffer. But something about his behavior reminds him of a wounded animal, and Eddie’s always had a soft spot for bruised and broken things.

“Shit, Harrington, you okay?” Eddie asks, jumping down.

Eddie’s boots crunch against the leaves, startling Harrington. He manages to pull himself into a seated position and brandishes a near empty beer bottle in Eddie’s direction. “Stay back!”

“Woah, man,” Eddie yelps, hands raised in surrender in front of him. “Don’t kill me.”

“Oh, s’you,” Steve says, slumping against the tree behind him. He tosses the beer bottle aside and runs both his hands over his face. “Jesus. Why does everyone think I would kill s-someone?”

“Uh,” Eddie stutters, glancing around. Now’s his chance to make a break for it. Put those hours of physical education to good use and sprint to the van before Harrington has a chance to make him his next victim. But there’s something in Steve’s sad eyes and dejected voice that makes Eddie stay. “‘Cause you have killed someone before?”

“Man, what the hell are you talking about?” Harrington snaps, fumbling to get out of his jacket. “I’ve n-never killed anyone.”

“So, you didn’t kill Barbara Holland, then?”

“No! Jesus, ‘course not. Barb was… Barb was nice. She was good. Like Nance. Better than Nance, maybe. I don’t know,” Harrington whines, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Barb she’s… yeah, man, she’s dead. But I didn’t have anything to do with that. N-not in the way you think I did, at least.”

Harrington’s not making a lot of sense, which only spurs Eddie’s curiosity on more. Closing the distance between them, Eddie hops to a squat in front of him. “But you did have something to do with what happened to her?”

“Shit, man,” Harrington groans, words slurring more more. “S’complicated, okay. I can’t talk about it with you or her parents or anyone. Or else they’ll come for me or Nance or our families and then we’ll all be toast like Barb. And that… that thing that came out of the Byers’ wall.”

Complicated? Jesus H. Christ, Eddie’s never heard anything more complicated than the jumble of words that just left Harrington’s mouth. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, the realization that they’re alone in the woods talking about something someone doesn’t want Harrington talking about.

“What?” Eddie says more to himself than to Steve. “Harrington, what thing in the Byers wall? You’re not making any sense!”

“The thing. You know, the… the,” Steve hiccups. “The thing we can’t talk ‘bout, else they’ll come for us next.”

Someone will come for him and his family if he reveals what happened to Barb? And the thing in the Byers wall? He wants to ask who would come. What would happen? Is he being blackmailed? There are so many questions dancing on the tip of his tongue, but none of them win the war.

“Harrington, man,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “Are you in trouble? Do you, like, need help or something?”

Finally, freeing himself from his jacket, Harrington lifts his head and looks up. There’s a moment where Eddie’s life flashes before his eyes, but then the sad replay of his life is interrupted by Harrington’s hand on his cheek. A dopey-looking grin on his face as he squints up at Eddie.

“You have pretty eyes, M-m-munson. Anyone ever tell you that?” Steve slurs before promptly passing out against the tree.

What the hell has Eddie gotten himself into?

[skzhocomments]

Dear Diary, - Kim Seungmin Fanfic - Chapter 19

General Masterlist

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

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Chapter 19

Chapter word count: ~3.3k words

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27th of May Dear Diary, I have so much to fill you in. In just 2 months, my whole world literally changed for the best. I’ve never been happier. For starters, Seungmin and I started dating. We became a couple almost exactly 2 months ago, at the end of March. And let me tell you, if I were head over hills for friend-Seungmin, you should see boyfriend-Seungmin. It’s like this man was written by a woman!!! It’s like he went to classes on “How to be the most perfect boyfriend in the world and pamper the shit out of your girl”!!! When I tell you, future Phoebe, how much he pampers me, I wonder if you’ll still remember by the time you read this again when you’re 50 or whatever. As you know, I’m a daddy’s girl, and my dad spoiled me a whole lot and taught me how a man should treat me. But Seungmin? Seungmin is on a whole different level of spoiling. He is taking me out almost every day after work (on nights when he doesn’t particularly feel like studying), he is showering me in gifts and compliments, he buys me flowers every single week without fail – my favourites, too. Yuna even said she can’t wait to move back out after the wedding, as her allergies are flaring up because of the flowers. I literally can’t keep up. I even complained that I’m getting uncomfortable to receive so many things when I can’t give him anything in return, but he always plays off my concerns and says I shouldn’t worry, that I already give him enough just by being with him and loving him genuinely. And I guess he’s right about that. There are literally no words to describe how much I love this man. I’m head over feels for him. Now, I bet you’re curious about the spicy details… And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but other than very intense kisses in the middle of the park or in front of my dorm room when we’re getting home late from the library, not much has happened between us. Seungmin really meant it when he said he wants us to take it slow. This is both reassuring and annoying. I know he’s serious about us, and he doesn’t want to rush me into anything considering I never had sex with anyone, but I’m getting impatient over here. I think he gets some twisted pleasure in giving me blue balls and seeing me flustered, honestly. Anyway, the other news is, the second semester exams are starting, which means the office work is officially postponed for the time being. Seungmin and I talked a bit about how we’ll manage work going forward, more specifically, what I want to do, since summer holiday is starting, and my parents want me to come home. To be honest, I don’t really want to spend the summer holiday in my hometown. It would mean not seeing Seungmin at all for three months – well, Yuna’s wedding is coming up, but still. On the other hand, I also miss my parents, and I know I only have 2 more summers that I can spend with them. I was thinking of suggesting to Seungmin to take some time off and come live with us for a few weeks, but I’m not even sure if that would be possible, considering we have one more year and then Seungmin’s supposed to take over the company. Things are very real for Seungmin, that’s for sure. He doesn’t have much wiggle room when it comes to taking time off, not as long as his father has such high expectations of him. Oh, and speaking of parents. My family is OVER THE MOON that Seungmin and I became a couple, but his family is an entirely different story. I mean, Seungmin told them (or at least that’s what he said), but so far, he was quite hesitant to talk about their reaction, and to be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if they wouldn’t really agree with us dating, considering how the dinner went last time we were over there. It's a bit disappointing, but I hope they’ll end up accepting it. Oh my, what if it’ll be just like in those dramas where the parents give me a money envelope to break up with their son??? That’d be hilarious, I should tell Seungmin, LOL. Anyway, I need to go to the office today to finish up my work, and then, wish me luck for the intense exam session. Love, Phoebe

“Ahh, I love showers.” I smile gleefully as I walk back into my dorm room after a long tiring day at the office.

It took Seungmin and I way longer to finish than we thought it would, but thankfully, we managed to complete our tasks and can now take a few weeks off to focus solely on exams without issue.

“I don’t know how you take showers here. They’re communal!” Yuna shudders, but I just laugh back.

“You’re such a princess!”

“Of course. Ughhhh, Bibi, what am I gonna do? How am I supposed to focus on studying?! All I can think about is the wedding! My florist made up some bouquets for the table and I hate them! This is a crisis!” She pouts, and although I chuckle hearing her, I can see where she’s coming from. It’s the most important event in her life so far, and it’s less than two months away.

“It must be stressful.” I rub her back, and she nods approvingly. “Why don’t you go sleep at Jeongin’s tonight? You still have a whole week until your first exam, so there’s no rush.”

“Off, should I? But I feel very stressed leaving the dorms when I know I should be studying.”

“Then ask him to come over. I’ll just go sleep in Seungmin’s room.” I shrug.

“Really? Would that be okay?”

“Of course!”

“Thank you, Bibi, you’re the absolute best!!!” She squirms with happiness and immediately calls Jeongin.

~

I feel slightly embarrassed to knock on Seungmin’s door at 11PM in my pyjamas. Of course, it’s not the first time I’ve been over to his room in the dorms late into the night, but it’s the first time ever since we became a couple.

I knock hesitantly a few times, very quietly, but still, he hears and comes to open the door immediately.

“Bee?” He asks, his eyes widening. “What’s wrong?”

“Surprise!” I say weakly, wanting the ground to swallow me. I don’t know exactly why I feel so embarrassed. It’s just Seungmin. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course. Did Yuna kick you out again?” He chuckles.

“No… it’s on me this time. She was stressed so I suggested she should call Jeongin over, and yeah…” I walk inside his room that’s engulfed in a soft yellow light coming from a lamp on the table.

“Did it to yourself.” Seungmin laughs again.

“It appears so… Is it okay if I stay here tonight?”

“Of course, no worries.” He smiles and closes the door behind me, locking it.

“What were you doing?”

“Nothing, just cleaning up a bit and preparing to go to bed.” He points to the stack of books on his desk, but all I can focus on is how his T-shirt is hanging a bit too low, exposing his collarbones, and how plump his lips are, and how I want to kiss him.

I instinctively reach out for him, placing my hands first on his shoulders and then moving them around his neck, and my heart starts beating faster as my insides start turning in nervousness.

I lean in slowly, hesitantly, and press a soft, unsure kiss against his lips that Seungmin is quick to reciprocate in a gentle manner. My stomach is filled with butterflies, and I feel electric, like I could fly.

“What was that for?” He smirks when I pull back slightly to breathe, our faces still close enough for our breaths to turn into one. My eyes get stuck on his, melting in the beautiful brown I’ve grown to love, a sudden rush of adrenaline going through my body as my fingertips start tingling.

“I… like you.” I say, and Seungmin chuckles.

“I thought we established that a while ago.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just-” I start, and Seungmin kisses me again, cutting me off.

This time, however, his lips linger on mine for longer. The kiss is no longer unsure but daring, bold, certain, as if he’s saying “I want you.”, and God knows how much I want him too. He starts nibbling on my bottom lip, biting it as his hands move on my waist, confident. His touch is gentle but steady, giving me goosebumps, and I can feel him tightening his grip ever so softly, holding me in place.

I let a small moan out, my lips parting slightly, moment when his tongue touches my upper lip, and in a dash of courage and desire, I touch his tongue with mine, and our kiss deepens.

We’ve kissed like this before, passionately, with urgency and desire, but not with roaming hands and panting, not with my back against his mattress and him on top of me, between my legs, not with his mouth sucking spots on my neck and my nails under his shirt on his back, scratching patterns softly.

“Fuck, Bee.” Seungmin whispers in my neck, biting it again as I let another moan come out.

It sounds whiny and I feel embarrassed, but I can’t help it, not when his hand is moving under my shirt and palms my right breast.

“We should really stop.” Seungmin continues, his breath hurried as he moves my shirt’s collar lower, kissing a spot on my chest.

“Stop? No, why?” I ask, completely caught in the pleasure.

“Because I’m afraid if I don’t stop now, I won’t be able to stop.” He says, his thumb grazing my nipple as I roll my head back.

“Please don’t.” I pant. “Don’t stop.”

“But your first time should be special.” Seungmin speaks, as if trying to convince me, but my back arches into his touch, and my mouth finds his again, and I can’t stop, not now, not when I want him so badly; not when I wanted him for months.

“It’s special.” I reassure him. “Because it’s me and you. How could it not be?”

“I didn’t want to- uhm, I wasn’t planning on this, so I’m not… ready.” Seungmin looks into my eyes, and noticing my confused expression, he continues. “I don’t have a condom right now, and-”

“What?” I chuckle. “Uhm, okay… but I’ve been on birth control for years though.”

“You have?” His eyes widen.

“Yeah, so… I mean, if you’re comfortable with that, I don’t mind not using one…” I blush and avert my gaze slightly, before realising I should be braver about these things.

“Shit.” Seungmin curses under his breath, his eyes closing as if he’s trying to regain his composure. He still seems slightly unsure when he opens them again and looks at me, so I decide to give him a little push and pull him into me again, kissing him and biting his lip.

“I want you.” I whisper when he pulls back, our foreheads still touching. “No, even more than that, I need you…”

Seungmin buckles his hips forwards, his covered dick grazing my pussy, and I let out another moan. Desperate for some more friction, I start grinding slowly, and Seungmin’s mouth immediately reattaches to my neck.

The hand he previously used to play with my right boob is moving slowly down my abdomen, disappearing into my pyjama pants, and the moment his fingers touch my cunt, I almost feel myself astral projecting from pleasure.

He raises above me in the cramped bed before he settles back between my legs, and his lips touch my abdomen as his fingers play with the hem of my pants.

I’ve never felt so impatient before, but the urgency pools down in my stomach, and I feel myself clenching around nothing, my heart beating faster in anticipation.

He doesn’t rush at all when he drags them down slowly, as if tauntingly, as he kisses my naked thighs, sucking spots on them, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to possibly leave hickeys. I suddenly feel vulnerable, and the embarrassment rushes back in my chest as he spreads my legs apart and he starts staring.

“Please don’t look like that… there…” I say, trying to force my legs back together to no avail. He has a strong enough grip on them to keep them apart.

“Why not? You’re so beautiful.” Seungmin praises, his breath hurried, his eyes full of lust.

“Because… it makes me self-conscious…” I say, and he tuts, before chuckling lowly.

“My honey, don’t get shy on me now.”

“But I-”

“Shh.” He cuts me off as his mouth connects to my core and I feel his tongue licking precise stripes up and down.

My whole body is on fire and trembling, and my lungs don’t seem to let in enough air, I feel suffocated. I roll my head back and let out a loud moan as he keeps going.

“You sound so beautiful, love.” He praises, and my hands turn into fists holding his sheets for support, his tongue playfully rolling up between my folds, teasing my entrance, making me almost lose it.

“Fuck, I’m close.” I say, my eyes shut tight, my breath coming out irregular, my words desperate as Seungmin pushes me over the edge.

With a loud whine, I let go on his tongue, my whole body shaking as the overwhelming waves of orgasm go through my lower stomach.

“You sure make it hard to be patient.” Seungmin says, kissing his way up my body slowly, smirking each time his mouth touches my skin, and I jolt. He’s enjoying this a bit too much.

“Mhm?” I ask, confused, only no words come out.

“I wanted to take my time with you, to do this differently, to make it memorable somehow, but you come to my room at night, you look so damn good, and you kiss me like that…” He tuts again. “How am I supposed to be patient and take it slow?”

Seungmin takes off his pants, exposing his hard cock that makes me involuntarily lick my lips. Although I wouldn’t mind sucking him off, he seems to have other plans as he settles back between my legs.

“Fuck…” I curse once again as his dick brushes against my entrance, but he doesn’t push it in just yet.

He grinds on me slowly, his tip grazing my clit, his hips moving in a precise motion, sometimes putting more pressure on my entrance, but nonetheless, teasing me.

“Seungmin…”

“What?” He smirks as I lift my hips up, desperate to feel him inside me. If so far I had some anxiety about my first time, it’s been completely replaced by desire. I want us to become one, I want him closer.

“Please… stop teasing me.” I say, and he chuckles as his dick once again brushes against my entrance. Only this time, I don’t let him play with me anymore. I raise my hips again, making the angle just right for him to enter me slowly, and as he does, he closes his eyes and mutters a soft curse under his breath.

“My fucking God…” He stalls for a second as he feels my body tensing under him, which makes him open his eyes. “You okay?”

“Mhm… hurts.”

“I know…” He caresses my face softly, pressing a kiss against my lips as I shut my eyes tight. “Don’t focus on the pain, just focus on me, yeah?” He says, kissing me harder, forcing me to open my mouth and putting his tongue down my throat, more passionate than any of our shared kisses so far.

He pushes his whole length inside me, making me whimper slightly, but his kisses are so intense, it’s easy to lose myself in them, to wrap around him completely and let him push me into the mattress as he pleases.

Once he breaks the kiss, he caresses my face gently, his touch soft, feather light, and when I open my eyes, we just look at each other in silence, our heartbeats syncing together.

“I love you, Bee, you mean the world to me.” He says, making my eyes widen at the sudden confession. My heart begins doing rounds in my chest, and it feels like no matter what words I’d want to say, nothing would come close to describe what I’m truly feeling for him.

“Fuck, I love you too.” I say, my hands moving behind his neck, pulling him once again into me, kissing him.

“Can I go faster?” He asks, biting my lip before kissing me again.

“Mhm.”

My hands travel to his back, and I regret not taking his shirt off earlier, but it doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters, but him and I, and our feelings for each other that grow and grow big enough to make anything else feel insignificant.

His thrusts become more intense, and the pain subsides, shifting into pleasure as our moans disappear into each other’s mouths. A knot tightens once more in my lower abdomen as his movements become more erratic, and soon enough, Seungmin becomes a panting mess on top of me as he suddenly stalls.

“Fuck…” He says, looking at me. “I know you said you’re on birth control, but I still should’ve pulled out… It was just so good-”

“It’s fine.” I chuckle, making him collapse on top of me and hugging him tightly. “Don’t worry about useless things.”

“We should finish our studies before becoming parents…”

“Shut up.” I laugh, and he plops down next to me in the small bed, spooning me from behind. “I have complete faith in my birth control.”

“I don’t.” Seungmin chuckles nervously.

“If you’re that scared, I can take a plan B tomorrow.” I caress his hand as he nuzzles into the back of my neck.

“I’m sorry, I’m just worried. It’s the first time I had sex without a condom and knowing that contraception is in this case not under my complete control, I feel uneasy. I know I shouldn’t be so anxious, I just-”

“It’s okay. We can use condoms next time if it makes you feel better, hm?” I try to reassure him, but he starts chuckling.

“Yeah, but… after trying it without, do I even want to go back?” He laughs.

“Then shut up and trust me. I don’t want to baby-trap you.” I laugh as well, feeling Seungmin hug me tighter.

“I trust you.”

“I trust you too. And if we have a baby, you better not abandon me.”

“What, do you think I’d abandon you?” Seungmin gasps.

“I’m just saying!”

“I’d never abandon you and our hypothetical child, Bee.”

“Alright, that’ll make me sleep better.” I chuckle, and Seungmin kisses my shoulder.

“I never thought I’d have sex in a bunk bed. So inconveniently small.”

“Uncomfortable, too.” I agree. “But I loved it nonetheless.”

“Yeah?” Seungmin asks, and by the tone of his voice, I’m sure he’s smirking proudly. I decide to give him the victory this time.

“Yes, it was amazing.”

“We should probably go clean up, hm?”

“I’m soooo lazy though.” I whine.

“Yeah, me too, but I don’t want any of us to get an UTI, so move your ass to the bathroom and pee, please.”

“Tsk, fine.” I roll my eyes playfully and stand up, feeling Seungmin’s release drip down my leg. I immediately try to catch it with my hand, but Seungmin’s faster – he kneels in front of me with a towel and wipes it away.

“Sorry about that.” He chuckles, kissing my other thigh and making me smile.

“God, why are you so fucking perfect? Let me go to the bathroom.” I yank the tower away and grab my pyjama pants, going out the door with my heart beating a million miles per hour.

I’m way too in love with him, to the point where it’s not just in my chest anymore. I feel it everywhere, in the way my body yearns after his touch, in the way my stomach flutters when I catch him staring at me, in the warmth I feel all over my body when he takes care of me.

I’m in love with Kim Seungmin, and I wouldn’t want it any differently.

~

Chapter 18 | Chapter 20

[musicloverxoxo7]

Professor Kim’s Teaching assistant

Professor!Namjoon   x   fem!reader

Summary: You feel drawn to the new professor like to nobody else. Does he reciprocate that feeling? How far will you take it?

Themes/warnings: smut with a bit of plot at the beginning, age difference (reader is Master student, so ca 5 years), hand job, oral (m receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, y/n has mild dom tendencies, tied up hands, nipple play

Wordcount: ca. 3300 words

Disclaimer: 18+, DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE UNDER 18

I do not own BTS. They merely inspire me. None of this is related to their persons in real life.

“I want to use the last 5 minutes to discuss the topic that will occupy next lesson. Greek mythology in Harry Potter.”

When this new course opened the previous semester, you’d been dying to get a space. Which you finally did the second time around. But now that you’re sitting in Professor Kim’s course, you are bored. Either you know too much about literature or your minds are too alike. You already know almost all the stuff he talks about, while everyone else is in awe at his creative angles.

You raise your hand. Professor Kim looks around. Since none of the other 15 students want to say anything, he gets back to you with a sigh.

“Go ahead, Ms y/l/n.”

It’s almost always a conversation between just the two of you. It has been like that the entire semester.

“For one, there are all the beasts and magical creatures that J.K. Rowling involved in her magical universe. Things like the chimera, centaurs, Cerberus. Aside from that we also have characters in the book named after actual mythological beings, not just Greek, but also Roman.”

“That is correct. Could you give an example? Greek or Roman.”

“Take Remus Lupin for example. Roman legends say that Romulus and Remus were twins that were tasked with building a city. The short version is that Romulus got to build it and named it after himself, of course. Mythology says that they were raised by a she-wolf. I consider this fact of importance, since Remus Lupin is a werewolf.”

“Accurate. Everyone, until next week, if you haven’t done so yet, please read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone. Ms y/l/n, my office, please.”

You file out of the classroom with the other students and head to Professor Kim’s office. You have no idea why he’d want to talk to you. He’s never asked you to his office before.

Professor Kim appears a minute after you, his glasses askew and his hair a slight mess. Same as usual.

You smile just a tiny bit. You’d definitely straighten out those glasses. But you’d definitely leave the messy hair be.

“Please, Ms y/l/n, come in. Would you like something to drink? I have tea, coffee or water.”

You sit down at the corner of his desk as he makes himself a cup of coffee.

“I’m good, thank you. Why am I here?”

He waits until the coffee machine is done, then leans against the cupboard on which it stands. His pecks are on display like that, and you give yourself a second to admire them.

“I want to discuss your future. You are exceptional in the field I teach.”

“I just like reading a lot and finding out what could have been behind it.”

You shrug your shoulders.

“Have you considered doing a PhD and becoming a professor?”

“Maybe.”  

“You don’t have to share with me, y/n, if you don’t want to. I merely wanted to offer you my assistance, in case you’d like it.”

Maybe it is because he’s trying so hard. Maybe because this is the first time he has called you by your first name.

“I did consider it for a while. But I had a professor last semester who said they’d do whatever it takes so I don’t get in anywhere as a PhD student.”

“What?”

Professor Kim moves so abruptly that he spills coffee all over his chest. Thanks to your long talk it’s only warm anymore, but he still curses. He puts the cup aside. It gives you a full frontal of his chest, including dark nipples that strain against the fabric.

You jump into action helping him clean up, because otherwise you might do something stupid. Something stupid like burying your face in his chest.

“Take it off.”

“It’s beyond saving. I never get coffee out.”

“Take it off. I’ll do it.”

He doesn’t even turn away to unbutton the shirt. When he tugs the rest of the shirt out of his pants to get the last 2 buttons, you have to cling to your composure very tightly. He hands you the shirt and you put it in the tiny sink in his office.

With the cold water and the immediacy of your reaction, the stain is out in next to no time.

“Et voila.”

You hold up the dripping shirt. No stain left on the light blue fabric. Your smile wavers when you see that Professor Kim is still standing there shirtless. His caramel skin looks like it is supposed to be savored slowly and explored extensively.

“Was it Lim?”

“Huh?”

“Did Professor Lim tell you those terrible things?”

“Oh, well…”

“Y/n!”

“Okay, yes, he did.”

Professor Kim sighs deeply. He straightens out his glasses and walks over to his desk.

“He hates women that are smarter than him. Especially if they are also beautiful. He’s an insecure pig. Time for some measures.”

“What? No!”

You are at the desk with 2 quick steps, your hand on Professor Kim’s upper arm. He looks up slowly from what he was writing, his eyes not focused on your hand but on your eyes.

“Y/n, if you want to go to university for a PhD, I will help you.”

“Okay, then help me. But please, let’s try to keep Professor Lim out of this for as long as possible. He won’t be able to do anything if he finds out last minute.”

Professor Kim straightens up and you finally let go of his arm. You’re a little sad, because it felt very nice. Strong and warm.

“How about you become my TA in the meantime, for your last semester here? That way we would have a valid excuse for spending some time together. Time we will mostly spend on prepping you for that PhD and the application process.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Professor Kim looks at his shirt in your arm and then his naked torso.

“I forgot I wasn’t wearing a shirt. Sorry about that.”

He grabs a jacket from a stand in the corner and buttons it up. This way, he is mostly covered up again. What a shame. You’d grown used to seeing him shirtless by now.

“And one more thing, y/n.”

“What?”

“Please call me Namjoon. Teaching assistants and their professors are almost always on first name terms.”

You hand him back the moist shirt.

“Got it. The shirt should be fine now. But please give it a wash in the washing machine as well.”

“Thank you for your help. I’ll remember that for next time.”

--------

As it turns out, Professor Kim – no, Namjoon – spills something quite regularly. No matter how elegant he looks, he can be quite clumsy. The following week you end up washing coke out of his shirt. The week after hot cocoa. You end up almost getting too comfortable with seeing him shirtless.

Being a TA is turning out to be quite fun and not all that much work, since Namjoon does not hold that many courses this semester.

The day comes when you get accepted into 3 different PhD programs at very prestigious universities. They are out of Professor Lim’s league, so he doesn’t dare mess with you. And finally, your graduation day arrives.

After a beautiful graduation ceremony, you have dinner with your mom and granny. Granny urges you to get married and mom wants you to finally start working full-time. They both talk way too much about your brother and sister and their little families.

Afterwards, you are in dire need of a drink. You end up in a poorly lit bar two houses down from the restaurant. Surprisingly, it smells like peppermint and lime in there. You sit down at the bar and order your favorite drink.

“Long day?”

Namjoon turns to you. You sat down on his right side without even noticing him there. You notice that the top 3 buttons of his shirt are open, and the sleeves pushed upwards. Your mind wants to go in some dirty directions, but you don’t let it.

Thankfully, the bartender puts down the drink in front of you right that moment.

“Kind of. Beautiful, but also laden. Like a landmine.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

“Sounds like family.”

Namjoon snorts into his drink.

“No matter how much I love my family, I understand what you mean. What did they say to you getting into the 3 best universities in the country?”

“Haven’t told them. They’d be livid that I haven’t gotten married or taken a full time, highly paid positions somewhere yet.”

“You’ll probably have to tell them sometime.”

“Yeah, sometime. I only see them once or twice a year and that’s soon enough for me.”

You let out a long, heavy sigh.

“You want to sit down in an alcove?”

“Sure.”

You move to an empty one with your drinks. The lighting is different here. Warmer, sexier. Namjoon’s dimples look like they want to pull you closer to him. You have a hard time resisting.

“Now that I’m no longer your professor, I’d still like to at least stay friends with you.”

“Of course. It’s thanks to you that I got to this point.”

“Not really. I only guided you a little. But thanks to you I now know how to clean almost all stains out of my shirts.”

You smile. That is true.

“I didn’t mind.”

You don’t because you find his clumsiness endearing. And also, because you got to see him shirtless on a weekly basis. Which was worth the effort.

Namjoon smiles. And something in that smile tells you that he knows.

You fidget a little. Since the nook is small and the bench short, your arm touches his in the process. You withdraw your arm and sit still again.

“I will miss having you around nearly every day. Of course, you were a great help, but mostly your presence is very stimulating to my mind.”

“Well, you wanted to be friends, so we will still get to see each other.”

“Of course. But that won’t be the same, will it?”

“I suppose not.”

Namjoon takes another sip of beer. When he leans back again, his cheeks are a faint strawberry color. You keep your eyes on him. He doesn’t look at you, though, but far into the distance.

“I am a very clumsy person. Which you know.”

“Yes.”

“I do spill drinks on myself quite regularly.”

“I know.”

“But maybe not quite so often. More like once or twice a month.”

“What are you saying?”

You’re still looking at him and he finally meets your eyes.

“I wanted to be close to you. The way you looked at my chest whenever I took of my shirt... I hoped you’d make a move on me someday.”

“Wait what?”

“Ridiculous, I know. You have marvelous self-restraint. And perhaps you only enjoy pecks in general, not specifically me as a person.”

His eyes are honest, with a hint of vulnerability. You hold his gaze for a few moments, then your eyes move down to his pecks. His shirt today is just the right amount of tight. But the fabric is midnight blue, so you cannot see through it.

You bite your bottom lip. You do like Namjoon as a person.

“I do like pecks. But yours are particularly… delectable.”

You slowly look up at him again. His dimples are showing. You move your hand up and gently poke one of his dimples with your finger. When you withdraw your hand again, Namjoon catches it and blows a kiss on your fingertip.

Butterflies flutter through your stomach. You move a little closer and put your hand on his thigh. He does not object. When you stroke up and down his thigh, his breathing becomes a little labored.

Encouraged by your bold movements, Namjoon leans forward and touches his lips to yours. You deepen the kiss. He tastes like peppermint and beer.

You break apart after what could have been seconds or hours.

“Would you like to disappear from here? My apartment is just down the road. If you aren’t ready, though, we can postpone that.”

You take him by the hand and pull him out of the alcove. Thank goodness the drinks are already paid for.

The warm summer air outside caresses your legs and arms. Namjoon takes your hand and guides you to his place. On the way you talk about books, as usual.

Only once the door to his apartment closes behind him do things change again. You’ve barely taken off your shoes when Namjoon grabs your waist and pulls you against him. This kiss is much less restrained and civil than the one in the bar.

You melt into him, your hands on his firm pecks. You run your hands over them, making sure to also caress his nipples gently. Every time you give them a twist, his breath catches. Finally, you can’t take it anymore and unbutton his shirt. He does not stop you.

Once you have peeled the shirt off him, you let your hands roam over his entire upper body. He gives you time to explore while keeping his hands at your waist.

When you break apart for a breather, Namjoon smiles.

“This kind of curiosity will bring you far anywhere, y/n.”

You giggle. Even in a situation like this, he can’t help but think of work and books.

“I hope it can also bring me as far as your bedroom.”

“If that is where you want to be, definitely.”

He walks to the bedroom door and pushes it open. You walk inside past him and turn on the light. There are beautiful paintings on the wall. The bed isn’t made, but overall, the room is very clean and organized.

You turn back to Namjoon.

“I love the interior design. I want a painting tour later on.”

“Whatever you wish, y/n.”

You put your hands on his belt buckle and open it.

“IF there is anything you don’t like, tell me to stop. Ditto for if it’s too much.”

“Who is the teacher here?”

You smirk up at him.

“Tonight, I think it’s me. But I’m always willing to switch roles.”

You pull the belt out of his pants.

“Lie down.”

He does.

“Put up your hands.”

He follows your instructions again. You tie his hands to the head of the bed with his belt.

“I’ll untie you whenever you want. Just say the word.”

“Got it. But I’m feeling pretty comfortable right now.”

You unzip your dress and drop it on the floor before crawling on the bed. Namjoon lies stretched out, the muscles in his arms and torso prominent. You sit down on his lower belly and give him a kiss.

“This could take a while.”

And it does. You start with feathery kisses on his dimples and then move down his neck. You are very tempted to leave marks there, but that wouldn’t be good for a professor who has to teach his students tomorrow.

So instead, you suck a mark into his bulging upper arm. You gently scratch your teeth over the inside of his forearm. That has goosebumps running over his arms. You bite down on the inside of his palm.

By then you’ve teased enough and move down to his chest. His gorgeous chest. Finally, you get to touch and savor. You place sloppy kisses all over his pecks. Namjoon watches you with hooded eyes. When you run your lips over his nipples, his eyes cross. You do it again and add a little tongue. He huffs out a breath.

You keep up the ministrations for another minute or two until you move down his stomach. You leave tiny bites there, which has his stomach muscles contracting like crazy.

You unzip his slacks.

“Hips up.”

He does and you pull the slacks and underwear down. As you already felt earlier, he is fully erected. You run your hand up the shaft and pay special attention to the frenulum. Namjoon takes a shuddering breath. Your thumb draws a circle around his slit.

“Baby, stop torturing me.”

“Are you in pain?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Namjoon sighs.

“Goodness, no.”

“Then stop complaining or I’ll gag you next.”

You smile up at him.

Then you lower your head and repeat the circular motion around his slit with your tongue. His moan is a true turn on. You ditch your panties, slip your hand between your legs and start playing with your clit, while you keep working him with your tongue and mouth.

It doesn’t take long until you have him at the brink of desperation. And ecstasy.

You raise your head and let go of him. His eyes linger on your other hand, which is between your legs.

“May I do that too, tonight?”

“Definitely. But later.”

You crawl back up to the headboard and untie him. He lowers his arms and presses you against his body. The close body contact feels heavenly.

Namjoon undoes your bra. You sit up and throw it aside. Then you lay down on him again, rubbing your nipples against his chest. It feels like heaven. Until you’re so sensitive you have to stop.

You kiss the tip of his nose.

“Your turn now, professor. I want to feel you in me.”

He rolls you around until you are lying on your back and he is hovering over you. With one hand he grabs your hands and pins them against the pillows above you. You find that very, very hot.

You arch your body towards him.

“Please.”

“How could I say no to that.”

You feel his tip push against your entrance. It’s a nice stretch once he finally pushes into you, slowly, so you can adjust. Except that you are so turned on that you don’t really need time to adjust.

Namjoon is breathing heavily by the time he bottoms out.

“Give me just a second like this, okay? I don’t want to cum right away.”

He smiles down at you and the dimples appear in all their glory. You pucker your lips. He gets the message and leans down for a kiss. A very deep, slightly messy kiss.

Once you break apart and he finally starts moving, your eyes meet. His are dark, almost black, with lust.

His moves are slow and steady at first. He lets go of one of your hands, so you can play with your nipple. It doesn’t take long until his moves become sloppier, harsher. With a few more twists or your nipple your high burns its way through you.

Namjoon’s breathing gets shallower while you moan into his ear. He lets go of your other hand and you sling both around his torso.

“I can’t… much longer…”

“It’s okay. We have all night for more.”

A few more sloppy thrusts, then Namjoon cums. He buries his face in your shoulder, and you hold him once his body ceases to move.

It takes a bit for both your breathing to normalize and for heartbeats to slow down again. Until that happens, you stroke Namjoon’s hair.

You don’t know how long you lay there like that, but you enjoy it.

Eventually, Namjoon raises his head and looks down at you. His eyes have cleared up to their normal dark brown. You see something in them that looks surprisingly like love. You’re even more surprised that you don’t mind that at all. Maybe it is time to trust another person and give them your love.

“Would you like to go and take a hot shower with me, y/n.”

“Gladly.”

He pulls out of you and helps you up.

“About that paintings tour of your apartment?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s postpone that until tomorrow. I think we’re busy for the rest of the night.”

Namjoon guides you into the bathroom, where he turns on the shower. There is easily enough space for two people in there.

“As you prefer, honey.”

When you look at him his eyes are crinkled in a smile.

© musicloverxoxo7, 2023

Please do not copy, translate, or repost my work (reblogging is fine though). Doing so will make you legally liable for stealing intellectual property.

[house-on-sand]

some general random questions!!! hihi levi i love you and i miss you bro hope you're doing well <3

what have you been up to lately? how's 2025 looking for you so far?

anything you're looking forward to? can be soon or in the future any time

three common comic related misconceptions you see in the dc fandom + what comics would you recommend reading to fix them?

pick any song, from your shuffle or anything you remember first; what oc or canon character does it remind you of and why?

would you and your icon be roommates?

your tumblr icon vs your discord icon: who'd win that fight

what's one hobby you'd like to learn one day? what's one hobby you enjoy doing now?

what are you reading currently? or last reas? can be comics, novels, fanfics, etc or even just academic stuff

what are three things you're proud of yourself for?

are your muses with siblings anything like you and your siblings?

what was your first fandom or special interes

favourite supernatural or mythical creature or cryptid?

have you ever been into creepypasta?

two truths and a lie?

you don't have to do this all, whatever you feel like doing!! 🩵🩵🩵

hiii sans!!!! i love and miss you too <3 <3

thank you for all the questions i had so much fun answering them :)

what have you been up to lately? how's 2025 looking for you so far?

mostly school! i was finishing up the semester so i can enjoy my summer break before i knock out my last two semesters before graduation. i've been reading as i have the time and the last couple days i've been cleaning n organizing the apartment because we've got stuff we can get rid of and im trying to clear out our dining room alcove thing so i can use it as my own space. i've already got like a layout planned n stuff i'm gonna get for over there! im very excited! 2025 has not been too bad for me! there's been some upsetting shit but its not been as bad as last year was.

anything you're looking forward to? can be soon or in the future any time

my top surgery consultation!!! its in july!! i'm so fucking excited you would not believe. also graduation but like less so lmao

three common comic related misconceptions you see in the dc fandom + what comics would you recommend reading to fix them?

1. that tim drake is a Weak and Defenseless or whatever. just the constant like almost infantilizing of him that i've seen a lot of. because he for sure is not incapable of defending himself or Weak or fragile or anything else people seem to think about him in this regard. i am not the tim drake expert so i dont know too many specific comics to recommend but i do have teen titans (2003) #29 in mind because a) i love it and b) it would also help clear up the misconception that jason nearly killed tim and that he'd gone to titans tower to kill tim. would love to see people know the actual context of the titans tower attack and not the angst version that makes tim out to be less than he is. 2. the idea that batman is either entirely shitty or incapable of doing any wrong. bro he's got layers and 8 billion different iterations it is not that simple. legit pick up any two different batman books, check out different characterizations and dont base an opinion of him off of fanon stuff or the one (1) book you did read. he's a cool character but he's not infallible but he's also not completely terrible all the time. same with a lot of comic characters actually. 3. i can't think of another one bc lmao so instead im gonna say check out kyle rayner's run as green lantern and damage (1994) pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease bc they're out here STRUGGLING for real. they both get superpowers and then are thrown into a world ending crisis event. kyle had been green lantern for like a week and he comes home to find his girlfriend has been murdered and he's then gotta fight fucking. former green lantern hal jordan as parallax all while time is disintegrating around them and he's still figuring out the whole green lantern thing. grant has his powers for 48 hours MAX when he's pulled into zero hour. the poor kid has just gotten his ass kicked by metallo, blown up his school or most of it at least, found out his parents weren't his parents, got sold out BY the people he thought were his parents, got kidnapped by the evil corporation that fucked over his life so bad, got his ass kicked all around atlanta by a different bad guy, had the TITANS called on his ass, AND got pulled into saving the universe when he didn't even know if he wanted to be a hero, legit having to have his powers overloaded so he could create a big enough explosion to restart the universe. this kid is going through SO much and he's only like sixteen at the time. he should've been in class n making friends :(

pick any song, from your shuffle or anything you remember first; what oc or canon character does it remind you of and why?

when i first hit shuffle the song that came up was CONTROL BABY by jhariah and i already talked about how that reminds me of jason todd so picking a second one! my boy builds coffins by florence + the machine!! this song makes me think of my oc micah ravenwood (he/it) because it's the personification of death / the grim reaper and idk it just became a song i associate with him. it also kinda makes me think abt my oc levi faust-laurent (they/them) for no reason other than i can easily picture them within the vibe of the song, like they could be the boy who builds coffins i dont get it exactly but that's their vibes.

would you and your icon be roommates?

we could be roommates i think, but i know that mark is gonna have some habits n stuff that would annoy me. i dont feel like he'd be quite as tidy as me and that would suckkkk + the fact that living with him would mean there's the potential our place would get attack on the regular + i'd have so much anxiety about getting rent n whatever shared bills paid (bc i cannot imagine a universe where me and another twenty something year old guy own a place) bc sometimes he's off planet or in another dimension or off doing his own thing + not making a whole lot or any money so that'd be a no from me.

your tumblr icon vs your discord icon: who'd win that fight

my icon here and on discord are both invincible akahsj so technically mark would win either way but it is show mark vs comic mark so? i'd have to say my tumblr icon bc comic mark just hits different

what's one hobby you'd like to learn one day? what's one hobby you enjoy doing now?

i enjoy crocheting so much now but i hardly ever have the time for it because i've got so much going on. as for one i'd like to learn? cross stitch! it looks fun tbh

what are you reading currently? or last read? can be comics, novels, fanfics, etc or even just academic stuff

god, i've been doing so much reading for school lately so i guess i'll drop a couple academic recs lmao first off two non textbooks i had to read for class, they're both nonfiction and for sociology courses if that is a turn off doing the best i can: fatherhood in the inner city by kathryn edin and timothy nelson. its a pretty good read focusing on what fatherhood really means and looks like for fathers in poor areas. the authors share the stories of some of the fathers they interviewed and idk its cool reading something where the authors dont immediately go in thinking the worst of these parents. like its pretty respectful and doesn't try to demonize either side. chasing the scream: the first and last days of the war on drugs by johann hari. this one. i could make a whole separate post about it honestly! the way hari writes keeps you interested as you're following him through his journey to figure out why the war on drugs is failing in america, what caused it, and what we can do instead of the harsh punishments for drug related crimes and the stigma surrounding drug use, abuse, and addiction/addicts. he follows several personal accounts from people that have been effected by drugs or addiction in one way or another and he doesn't shame or demonize addicts, he doesn't talk about them like they aren't still human which is something i feel like a lot of people dont do. he doesn't act like addiction is this moral failing either that is shameful or whatever, he recognizes that its something people struggle with for a variety of reasons and it doesn't mean they're bad people. oh my god and he highlights the benefits of harm reduction over punitive actions!! i fuck with that SO hard!!! he talks about places where drug use has been decriminalized and the general vibe has shifted more towards treatment and acceptance over judgment and punishment. bc he recognizes that environments where you AREN'T shamed and you have the support you need are ones that foster healing and they're more likely to be the environment where someone is able to stop using. and how its better and safer and just makes more sense for the use of illicit drugs to be somewhat regulated like any other medication where people that use them and have used them long-term are able to use safely and dont have to rely on getting their supply through illegal means where they dont know if its even safe for them to use because shit is coming out tainted and super fucking dangerous. just! harm reduction! dude! people would be safer and drug related crimes would come down and overdoses would decrease. he also discusses the importance of connection and kindness and compassion when it comes to addiction. which again is something a lot of people struggle with when it comes to how they think about addicts and how they interact with them. he also talks about both sides of the war on drugs, those for reform and/or struggling with addiction and those against it. he discusses the historical roots of america's drug war and how its inherently rooted in racism (& to a somewhat lesser degree, classism) and its just such a good read. i also think it would be a good read for people on here (along with other books n articles) because sometimes. i dont enjoy the way people talk n act when it comes to addiction. (this got so long im sorry, im passionate abt this stuff bc i grow up around a shitton of social workers / substance use/abuse counselors AND i almost became one myself (technically i still could if i wanted to i've done most of the classes) AND i'm the child of an former addict turned counselor AND i've dealt with my own shit so i care lot about all of this bc the way people talking about drug use and addiction is so wrong.)

the last book i read for pleasure was annihilation by jeff vandermeer and it was good! proper creepy n the vibe was eerie n i loved that it was unexplainable stuff but also like. Nature? i guess? like there was technically a monster and creepy things about but it was mainly the setting and the plant n animal life that made it so eerie bc things were not always obviously Wrong. it could look normal but things were always Off im not currently reading any other actual books but im gonna start the second book in this series soon.

NOW comics? i've read so so many akahs the last single issue i read was absolute martian manhunter which fuckeddddd and i'm currently working thru seven soldiers of victory! which is like a series of connected minis for seven different characters and how theyre going to save the world basically. the characters with minis are zatanna, klarion, the manhattan guardian, bulleteer, mister miracle (not scott, a different guy that i think was created for this series), shining knight, and frankenstein. i started with zatanna's mini at first not realizing it was part of something bigger but im enjoying all the other comics a lot as well!! klarion's was a little creepy n the vibe was interesting n tbh klarion has kinda endeared himself 2 me i think hes a cool weirdo, the manhattan guardian was also pretty neat, and shining knight is sososososo cool to me. so fuckjng cool. bc listen. i know they did not INTEND for the character to be read as trans (im assuming bc it was 2005 and just context) but you cannot tell me that that's not a valid take since, up until the dramatic "reveal," he's referred to with he/him pronouns, called a boy multiple times, and uses the name justin. like i get it, its supposed to be dramatic and whatever yknow the whole ooo the skilled knight was a girl in disguise all along well fuck that shit! he's trans to me. and i love him. also zatanna has a moment with her dad at the end of her series that made me so emotionalllll

what are three things you're proud of yourself for?

my grades, the fact that i've made it to 23 when i thought i wouldn't even make it to 18, and the fact that i'm my grandmother's favorite grandchild lmao, i've worked hard for that shit. i'm beating out all 3 of my older cousins, including the one who speaks japanese which is the ONE thing he has up on me. but i get points bc i want to learn and that made her so happy to hear. my spot at the top is truly unshakable <3

are your muses with siblings anything like you and your siblings?

yep! sometimes! most of the sibling relationships i write have some aspect that i've taken from my real life experiences with my brothers. there's no direct 1x1 matches or anything but there's little things like the vasilyev brothers have the same age gaps as me and my brothers and sometimes like the way i write or think of dick and jason has similar vibes i guess. like the whole "you're my brother and i love you, but i dont always like you" and "i love you and i'll protect you but in some ways i resent you because you didn't go through what i have". oh and a lot of them have a dynamic where the older sibling is kind of the protector yknow? always looking out for their younger siblings and that's. definitely something i pulled from real life because that's just. that's the only way i know how to be an older sibling, you're a sibling but you're also their protector and/or secondary caregiver/third parent. aeron & noah vasilyev have certain parts of their dynamic that are for sure like me and my brothers bc i, much like noah, would and have kicked someone's ass for my brothers. protecting my middle brother is pretty much the only reason i ever got into any fights at school tbh because i wouldnt stand for that shit if i saw it. being an older brother does help in how i write sibling dynamics imo

what was your first fandom or special interest?

uhhhh pokemon or maybe yugioh? for my first fandom probably idk. probably pokemon as well for my first special interest i really don't know. tbh the answer to both might also be teen titans (the show) bc i fucking LOVED it and i made my parents watch it all the time and i had like some toys n stuff for it? so yeah the superhero thing isnt new. ACTUALLY holy shit okay bc youre getting this stream of consciousness style baby! my first special interest was the hulk akagskab i was SO fuxking obsessed with him. i watch the old cartoon, the movies, i had hulk toys n clothes n i was just so into him.

favourite supernatural or mythical creature or cryptid?

jackalopes! i was so upset when i found out they weren't real (idk how i didn't know until. i was Older but i guess) and its also a little funny that i like those guys since im scared of rabbits. you'd figure they'd be a no go for me mothman is also cool. nd bigfoot i guess? bc that's a staple here in the pnw i also rlly like banshees n kelpies n selkies n dullahans bc theyre all really Neat and they give me interesting writing ideas sometimes. if only i could right them... OH and werewolves. they're the SHIT dude i like them over vampires! i have created so much lore in my little oc universe for werewolves (vampires too but not as much) if i was in some supernatural setting, i'd almost certainly be a werewolf. it's the himbo energy i have, i think it translates well to werewolf akahsk

have you ever been into creepypasta?

i was an alt preteen/young teenager in the mid 2010s of course i was into creepypasta /lh for specific characters i really liked ben drowned and eyeless jack, but i was mainly into reading different horror stories over enjoying any one of the really popular dudes.

two truths and a lie?

one time i had a professor tell me my paper was the best one she'd ever read. i used to collect matchbox cars and hot wheels when i was younger. one time i accidentally broke a kid's nose while i was at school.

[altessegrenouille]

More Ghibli Less Sleep - Personnal challenge

What's that?

Two years ago, I challenged myself to watch all Ghibli movies during the year. I watched (or rewatched) about half of it and kinda forgot about the whole thing. I want to recreate this challenge but with a twist : use it to counter my bad habit of going back to sleep in the morning. So I intend to start all my week days by watching a Ghibli movie, comfy cozy on the couch with a cup of coffee instead of going back to sleep and losing 2 hours or my day for nothing. Starting on monday! I'm planning on watching them by release date so I won't be stuck with the ones I don't like at end. I'll try and post my thoughts on them.

More useless details but I have adhd and so am an oversharer

In the last 6 months, my endo flared up and got way worse than it was last year after my surgery, making me extremely tired. On top of that, bloodworks revealed that I had an iron deficiency. I skipped classes a lot, had no energy for nothing and slept more than I ever did in my entire life.

I, surprisingly, passed 3 out of 4 classes which means that this summer is a light semester since I'm working on the fourth one. I have on average 6h or class a week, split in two afternoons.

I have to get up at 7 in the morning to make sure my son gets ready for school and by 8:10 he's in the school bus and I'm free to do whatever. I was planning on exercising and working on school stuff in the morning, then having either class or free time in the afternoon and lemme tell you it is not happening right now.

I don't need the extra sleep on most days anymore, but I got in the bad habit of going back to sleep. Which helps in nothing because I won't get up until 10 but usually barely slept 30 minutes. I don't feel rest, and by the time I finish breakfast, it's almost noon. And since I feel like I missed half the day, if I have free time I don't use it for school work because I don't feel like it. It's bad, I know.

Hence why I had the idea for this challenge. I have to shake things up and I'm VERY competitive. Even if it's with myself. I WILL want to win the challenge and so I'll have a reason to stay awake in the morning. Ghibli movies are pretty much the pinnacle of coziness and it's such a great way to start the day in a good mood. (Except maybe with Grave of the Fireflies). I can eat breakfast and even exercice while watching. I feel like it's a better use of my time.

The list

Nausicaa of the valley of the wind (rewatch, don't like)

Castle in the sky (rewatch)

Grave of the fireflies (rewatch)

My neighbor Totoro (rewatch)

Kiki's delivery service (rewatch)

Only yesterday (rewatch)

Porco Rosso (rewatch, don't like)

Ocean waves

Pom Poko

Whisper of the heart (rewatch)

Princess Mononoke (rewatch)

My neighbors the Yamadas

Spirited away (rewatch)

The cat returns

Howl's moving castle (rewatch)

Tales of Earthsea (rewatch)

Ponyo (rewatch)

The secret world of Arietty (rewatch, favorite so far)

From up the Poppy Hill

The wind rises

The tale of the princess Kaguya

When Marnie was there (rewatch)

The red turtle

Earwig and the witch

The boy and the heron

[inconsistentwriting]

In between breaths

Notes: This was written with my OC in mind, but I tried to keep it as neutral as possible. GN! Reader x SingleDad! Ghost. “Mom” used as a role, not a gender thing. Kinda rushed end because Writer's Block was about to hit me. I put SMYL's "You knew it was me" EP and let my mind go wild.

I had met Simon Riley when we were children. A fateful Christmas, I had traveled with my family to enjoy the holidays in my uncle’s place. I was 12 years old, and it was my first Christmas knowing Santa wasn’t real. In hindsight, I’m glad I knew. If I hadn’t maybe Simon and I wouldn’t have become as close as we did. Midnight had arrives and the fireworks were roaring. I stood in the middle of the field behind my uncle’s yard until I saw a boy standing not too far. He was watching the fireworks, but he had a sad expression on his face. I decided to approach him to ask him why he was sad. That boy, I later learned, was named Simon and he was 8 years old. He explained to me that Santa hadn’t arrived in his home. I’ll never get over what I did, I can’t even remember how exactly it happened, but I put on a face, as if I was deep in thought. After a second I raised a finger, declaring: “Santa didn’t forget about you, he just got confused with the address. I was wondering whose the extra presents under my tree were for. Wait right here, I’ll go bring them for you”. I’ll never stop being grateful to my quick-wit. A teddy bear and a football, part of my presents which I just gave up for the younger boy to have. A teddy bear and a football changed the entire trajectory of my life.

Now, I’m 26 years old and I am in college, studying medicine. Simon and I remained friends throughout of childhood and teenage years. For more than a decade, we were there for each other. I helped him deal with his pain in a healthier way, to open up, even if only a little. We were very close until I had to move away for college. Now it’s been three years since we last saw each other. My studies kept me away for too long and my mental health was begging me for a break, so I decided to spend the summer back at home, and maybe, just maybe, see Simon once again. I wondered how he must have been all these years. He would be 22, and a half, as he always felt the need to remark. I wondered if he had found a partner, a job, something to study. What had been of him all these years?

Whatever I had hoped to find surely wasn’t anything like the scene before me. After arriving to our town, I saw Simon’s mom running errands in the market, pushing a baby stroller. I approached to say hello and catch up, and she introduced me to the little boy on the stroller. His name was Ken, and he was Simon’s son. The little boy was holding the same teddy bear I had given Simon 14 years before. I guess my shock must have been very apparent because she rushed to explain. Turns out, during a one night stand, Simon’s protection broke, resulting in the sleeping toddler on the carriage. She explained that his mother didn’t want to be involved in his life, so she left, and that Simon had been raising him on his own. Simon’s mom helped whenever she could, but with her other son in rehab, it had become very hard for her. The story broke my heart, not only because of the idea of his mother abandoning the little ray of sun that slept peacefully in his stroller, but the idea of Simon, who I know had no idea of how to be a father, doing it all on his own.

The moment I could finally catch Simon and speak with him, it seemed as if those three years apart meant nothing, as if no time had passed between us. I asked why he never told me, why he never asked me for help. He said the obvious excuse, “You were busy with school”, “I didn’t want to worry you”, etc. He introduced me to Ken and I decided to take a semester off to help him a little with the day to day, to see if I could help him grow confident in his parenting. By accident, I found out, Simon had ended up spoiling his son a little. The little boy had no idea how to regulate his emotions and Simon was definitely not a great example. Si wasn’t abusive at all, that’s the only thing he knew, never to put his hands on his kid, like his father had done; but he had no idea on how to properly calm down a child. It took time and patience, but with time I was able to see the growth of both Simon and Ken.

One day, after a long day at work, Simon had arrived home tired and stressed. He entered the kitchen, where I was, keeping an eye on dinner. Ken was peacefully sleeping on my arms; poor angel was exhausted after a long day. My best friend made his way towards me and pressed his forehead against my shoulder.

-Rough day today, huh?

-Terrible one.

-I think I know of something that’ll cheer you up a bit.

I pointed at the kitchen table, where a sheet of paper laid, surrounded by crayons. The paper said “My Hero” and under it was a drawing of Simon holding Ken. When Simon grabbed it, a tired smile crept up to his lips before he turned around to plant a kiss on the little sleeping toddler on my arms.

-He also did his homework before I even told him anything.

-Homework? He is barely three.

-His homework is drawing with crayons, not calculus, Si. It’s only so he can learn the habit and it’s easier for him to keep it going when he grows up.

I giggled, shaking my head. I saw his open arms, silently asking me to hold his kid. I handed him the sleeping child, who tossed a little as I did.

-Why was he sleeping on your arms?

-Poor baby was tired, but he wanted to stay with me, so I offered holding him. When he fell asleep, I tried to put him down on his bed, but he’d always wake up fuzzy about it.

-He really loves being around you. He got that from me.

-I suppose he did.

Simon sat down on one of the chairs around the kitchen table, hugging his son and feeling the tension and stress of the day melt off.

-Coming home to you two feels like a dream. Your presence and Ken’s hugs make a shitty day really feel like nothing more than a bad dream. Your presence really helped us. It helped me. Thank you.

-I want to be able to be here for you, Si. Not only now, but every time. You are one of the most important people to me, and I would’ve loved to be here since the start.

-I’m sorry I never told you.

-I understand why you did it, though.

The evening passed by, Ken woke up and started to talk to his father about his day, Simon shared the sweet moment with his child and I finished making dinner. We all sat down to eat, we talked and laughed, and by the end, as he cleaned his mouth with a napkin, Ken said in that bubbly voice of his

-Thank you mama.

Simon and I were shocked. He almost choked on the drink on his glass, and I almost dropped the plates I had gathered. Simon was the first to come out of our shock.

-What did you say, buddy?

-Thank you mama.

In his innocence, Ken hadn’t notice the confusion and shock in his father’s voice. I didn’t want the boy to think he did something wrong, so I quickly answered

-You are welcomed, Kenny.

Simon and I both tried to keep our cool. We cleaned up the dishes, tidied up and took Ken to bed. We tucked him in like we always did and then Simon dared to ask the toddler.

-Hey little man, I need to ask you something. Why did you call them mama earlier?

-Because they are mama shaped. They are nice and good and care for me. Like a mama.

I could barely contain the tears building up on the corners of my eyes. The little baby boy I had come to love as my own also considered me as his own. I was speechless. I could only hug him a little tighter and kiss his chubby little cheeks before saying goodnight. After we put the boy down to sleep, Simon and I sat down to talk about what had happened. Before he could even get a world in, I decided to talk.

-If you don’t feel comfortable with Kenny calling me mama, I’ll talk to him about it. I’ll let him know I’m only your friend and everything, It’s okay-

Before I could continue rambling, Simon grabbed my face between his hands.

-Stop, stop. Quit overthinking for a second and listen.

I locked my gaze with those beautiful big brown eyes of his, instantly stopping to listen to him.

-Look… I noticed the tears that built up on your eyes when Ken called you like that. I know you, and I know how much this means to you. And honestly? It means a lot for me too. My son sees you as his mama, and I’d give anything for this beautiful relationship between you two to keep this pureness. In his eyes and in mine, you are the only mama he’s ever known. If you feel comfortable with him calling you that way, I would be so happy…

I couldn’t help myself. I could only interrupt him with a hug, pulling him so close to my body, as if afraid he might change his mind if I let go.

-I’d love to. I want to be here for both of you. You are so important to me; I can’t imagine a life without both of you in it. I want to keep being Kenny’s mama. I want to take care of him, to love him and to love you.

The last few words came out as a surprise to both of us. I hoped he hadn’t heard or that he’d think nothing of it, but as he pulled me away to look into my eyes, I could see the shock on his eyes.

-You mean that? You actually feel like that? I’m not dreaming, am I?

Sheepishly, I nodded. I couldn’t let the words out, but there was no turning back now. I wanted to look up, to see his reaction, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What if he changed his mind about me being around his son? What if I just fucked up our friendship? What if…? Before my mind could go any further down the rabbit hole, his fingers found my chin, making me look up into his eyes.

-You really love me? Despite having seen the ugly side of me? Despite how hard I was all throughout our teenage years? Despite the fact I made myself unreachable for three years because I was ashamed of not knowing what the hell I was doing? You love me?

His voice carried the disbelief I knew he always held when someone showed him love like this. He thought himself undeserving, and it crushed my soul. I thought to myself, “What the hell, he already knows, might as well show him how serious I am”, before leaning in and kissing his lips. I wanted to leave no doubt on his mind. I wanted him to understand. To my surprise, he pulled me closer, kissing me back as I melted in his embrace. After a couple of seconds, we pulled away from each other to look into the other’s eyes. We didn’t have to say much, guided by the feeling of each other’s arms, lips, smiles. It flowed like natural, it felt correct, and any doubt dissipated between kisses and I love you’s. We just cuddled on the couch, feeling the weight lifting from our shoulders, as we hugged, kissed, talked and laughed.

I was glad he didn’t have to work in the morning, because neither of us wanted to let go…

[harrison-abbott]

Back in university I did a module in anthropology. Which was a really cool subject, that I knew nothing about before studying it. And, in the tutorial group, the class was led by his man called Norman Prell. He was German. In the first lesson he asked one of the students to read out an explanation of what anthropology was fundamentally about. So I thought I’d brave it and speak some ideas I had. I wasn’t brave, but I tried anyway. And when I tried that inaugural time, it turned out I spoke really well. Kinda surprised myself – because I’ve always been coy about speaking in public.

The next lesson that coyness resumed. Norman Prell was going around the class, asking the students questions, and the attention came to me, and I blushed heavily. And much the same thing happened the lesson after that: I was trying read a text of notes out and I kept stammering and I could feel the eyes of the other students on me.

Moreover, all of the other students were very quiet. They seemed not to know what to say. And there were entire swathes when there were silences in between what Prell was trying to say. But, we all really liked Prell. He had a soft voice, and was intelligent and he cared about academia. Properly cared about it – and wasn’t just doing it for money. He was a proper anthropologist, that studied other cultures.

Anyway, I did my first essay on the course, and I got a low B for it. I just didn’t suss the question that well and didn’t do it that well. And in class, it was much the same: the pupils were largely very quiet, and when it came to me trying, my stutter came back and I reddened a lot. But Norman Prell tried to encourage me and he wasn’t trying to shut me up, like other teachers I’ve had; or with other teachers who have ignored me completely when I try to contribute: he was letting me find my way. And I remember on the last ever tutorial, the final one of the semester: nobody was speaking. So he turned to me and he said, “Harry, what do you think?” We were discussing one of the books we’d read for the course. And so I just thought ‘Have a bit of courage’, and I went for it. And this time I didn’t blush or stammer – I spoke eloquently, just as I’d done on the first tutorial, but even better this time. And Prell enjoyed it and we had a good chat in front of all of these people.

It's weird how confidence can swing around like that. Most of the time you have no confidence whatever, but if you try, you can perform brilliantly. It just takes the courage to keep trying with it.

And, Norman Prell was a really cool chap. I remember several people in academia who were inspiring. They made you want to be like them. Even though they were older and a far way away from their position. Good stuff.

[softprettything]

late bloomer, ch 11

AO3 | Previous | Next

Fandom: OHSHC

Pairing: Kyoya/Reader

Tags: 18+, A/B/O Dynamics, College AU, Fake Dating, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slice of Life, Eventual Smut

Taglist: @silverhetdanes @lampalooza

late bloomer, ch 11

“Olivia!” Reese goes over to her with a hug. “Perfect timing.” 

“Now that?” Lou whispers. “That I will definitely not miss.”

"Does she—" You look from her to Olivia, back and forth. "I mean, do they come here a lot?"

"Oh, yeah. Look I'm all for uniting forces or whatever. And most of the Triple O folks are super sweet—"

"Plus, they can organize the shit out of a fundraiser," Regan adds.

"—True. But I went to high school with Livvy Freidmonte, and unless she's changed since then…" Lou shakes her head. "I know a first-class bitch when I see one. I wouldn't trust that girl as far as I could throw her."

"Really?" you ask. "What exactly—"

"Alright, everybody!" Reese claps their hands together, and the room settles down. "Let's get started. Re-started. For the new folks, this is Olivia Freidmonte; she's one of our siblings over at Triple O, and our head coordinator for collabs! Olivia?"

"Hey there!" Olivia is all smiles and pep as she waves at the crowd. "So stoked to be here. Now, as most of you probably know, the Winter Wonderland end-of-term music festival last semester was a huge success. Between ticket sales, merch profits, and voluntary donations, we raised twenty thousand over the span of two days, all of which went directly to fund arts education programs at high schools in the surrounding areas."

A round of applause, which you find yourself joining in on. Whatever your personal feelings on Olivia may be, twenty thousand dollars in two days? You can't help but respect it.

"Looking into the future…the good news is, we're less than two weeks out from our spring fundraiser! Bad news: thanks to a little fire snafu, Grand's is closed for repairs all month. So we're on crunch time to find another venue. It's a smaller event, very lowkey; ideally we want to find somewhere closer to campus, with a kitchen or at least a fridge we can use to store food, mix drinks, stuff like that." She scribbles a phone number on the board. "Just shoot me a text if you know of a place. This is a great opportunity to…"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Regan whispers. "She seems super nice."

"You just think that because you're super nice, Ri," Lou whispers back.

"I'm just saying! High school was a long time ago."

"Yeah. I don't know. (Y/N), you're in the same year as her, right? You must have crossed paths. What do you think?"

As you open your mouth to say something, Olivia's gaze falls on you. You freeze. It feels as though time slows to a halt: she pauses in her presentation for a moment. Her smile falters. Her eyes narrow slightly.

Then, as though nothing happened, the smile is back on her face, and she continues on, just as peppy as before. You let out a breath, before remembering that Lou and Regan are still both looking at you, waiting for an answer. You give them a tiny smile. "No comment."

*************

As the evening winds down, you have to admit: you had a pretty good time. Olivia ignores you, to the point that you begin to wonder if you imagined her noticing you during her presentation entirely. You trade numbers with Lou and Regan, offering to answer any questions they might have about surviving senior year, and promising them you'll consider coming to the next Cozy Quorum. Overall, as you exit into the cool early-spring air, you're feeling pretty good.

"(Y/N)!"

"Hey!" You turn to Reese with a smile. "Thanks for inviting me. This was actually really cool."

"Not so bad, right?" You nod. "Now, listen, I swear I didn't have any ulterior motives when I ran into you this morning, but…"

You try to pay attention. Really, you do, but your head is too scrambled. If Haruhi isn't home (it's a Sunday, so probably she is) (on the other hand, she doesn't have any classes on Mondays…) (does Tamaki?) then you only have to worry about dinner for yourself, which means eggs. Or, no, you were supposed to pick up eggs today. Chips and dip, then. And then the paper proposal. Technically you have until the end of class, but you really should email it by morning—were you assigned an early morning shift at the cafe tomorrow? No, an afternoon one.

Your phone buzzes, and you can't help but glance down and see it's from an unfamiliar number, and you're suddenly too distracted to—

"—think?"

"Hm?" Reese is looking at you. Shit. Your cheeks heat up immediately, mortified as you are to be caught so blatantly zoning out. They don't seem to have noticed, though, so you take a crapshoot and give them your most enthused nod. "Right! I mean, yes, absolutely."

"You are a lifesaver." Reese claps. "This is perfect. Let me just put you in touch with—there she is."

Before you can stop them to ask whose life you're saving, and how, and what exactly you just agreed to, they tap someone on the shoulder. That person whirls around and—oh, wouldn't you know, it's—

"Olivia, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), Olivia. You're both first-year grad students, I think?"

"We've met," the two of you say simultaneously. She sticks a hand out, which you accept. "(Y/N) and I have a class together, actually. Some gender-studies thing."

"The Radical Dynamics of Jane Austen," you supply. This handshake is going on for way longer than is comfortable.

Reese nods, possibly sensing the tension, but eventually deciding to bowl through it anyway. "So. (Y/N) works at that incredible coffee shop on the corner of Oak and Whitley, and apparently it's free two Fridays from now, which means…"

Olivia's look of disdain explodes into an overenthusiastic smile. "Oh, my gosh! Seriously?"

Before you can say anything, Reese nods. "I'll leave you two to work out the details—but, (Y/N), seriously? Thank you. I owe you one." With a wink—to you? To Olivia? Who knows!—they're gone.

"Well." Olivia looks you up and down. Between the necklace and the blowout and the perfectly coordinated pink outfit, it’s like looking at Evil Elle Woods. “You’re just popping up everywhere, aren’t you?”

You meet her fake smile with one of your own. “Could say the same about you.”

“Oh, the Trips all love EpPhi. We throw mixers all the time. It was so awesome to have you join us last night!” The smile she gives you practically shows each and every one of her perfectly square, perfectly white teeth, making you feel even more like a mouse being toyed with by a cat. "I didn't realize Reese was finally able to get that due waiver program rolled out."

"Hm?"

"Oh, you know. Greek life can be so…you know. Old money. Reese is super dedicated to trying to diversify—" (somehow, she manages to make that sound like a bad thing) "—and I guess it's working."

"Oh, no. I'm not joining. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with joining." Why are you trying to explain yourself? If Olivia's decided to dislike you, nothing you say is going to win her over. "I just came to check it out. It was cool, though—your presentation was great."

She scrunches her nose at you. "Thanks. Well. Even if you're not pledging, that just makes it even nicer of you to get so involved."

"Oh, no, I'm not—"

"No modesty, please. You're a total lifesaver. Anytime we have insider contact for a venue, it's always, like, an executive whatever, and half the time they don't have any idea what actually goes into putting together an event like this. It'll be so helpful to have the perspective of, you know. A lower-level employee."

You are so, so tempted to just say it was all a big mistake.

But the cafe calendar is empty two Fridays from now. And Reese, who has been nothing but nice to you since you met, seems kind of desperate for you to say yes.

Not to mention, all special events at Ground Up get logged as overtime hours—meaning, double pay.

Double pay plus tips.

So, with no small amount of reluctance, you nod. "Mm-hm. Right." This fake smile is beginning to hurt your cheeks. You clear your throat. "So! We should, um, set up a time to talk through specifics, right? I have a shift at the cafe tomorrow afternoon after class, if that's a good time. That way you can get an idea of what the space looks like?"

"Perf." The gap between her words and the way she looks at you while saying them is starting to make your head hurt. She passes you a card. "Here's my number."

"Great." She's already halfway down the street, clearly just as eager to get away from you as you are from her. "See you in class!" you call after her. Your phone buzzes again—a two-minute reminder of the text from earlier. You swipe it open.

unknown: Shockingly, I did not get 'sexiled' tonight.

unknown: Hopefully this doesn’t mean you’re sleeping on the front porch.

A smile rises to your mouth unbidden. You create a new contact with the number, and then type:

Y/N: I have a bed of my own, you know.

*************

You're shutting the front door of your apartment behind you and kicking off your shoes by the time you get a reply.

Kyoya Ootori: I’m aware. 

Kyoya Ootori: It’s a good one. Best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages.

"You're home late."

You look up. "And you're…home." You toss your bag under a chair and tuck your phone into your pocket as you sit down across from Haruhi, who's typing away furiously at her laptop. "Rewrite?"

"Prewrite." She takes a sip of coffee, then goes back to typing. I'm trying to get ahead on work for the next two weeks, so that I'm not behind when I get back."

It's not unusual for Haruhi to be on top of things—but missing class? "Get back from what?"

"Tamaki's heat is coming up this week. Thursday, probably. Kiera's heats were always pretty long." Kiera…ah, yes, that was two ex's ago. "Tamaki says his usually only last a couple of days, but I want to be ahead. Just in case."

You feel like you're moving underwater. Even blinking seems to take twice as long as usual. "Can't hurt to be prepared," you manage.

"Mm-hm." She takes another swig of coffee, finishing the mug. You grab it and go to brew her some more, if only to get away from the table. Seemingly oblivious to your general state, she asks, "What about you? Good weekend?"

"Weird weekend."

"Weird? Huh." She chuckles, but doesn't press further.

The coffee starts to drip. "That's big," you say. "The heat stuff."

"Oh, this is nothing. I should have it all done by tomorrow."

"A big step in the relationship, I mean. Like, spending a heat together." You lean against the counter, chewing on your bottom lip and shooting another text to Kyoya.

Y/N: My halfprice preowned fb marketplace boxspring is honored

Kyoya Ootori: Hang on, checking my clothes for bedbugs.

Y/N: >:(

Kyoya Ootori: Just a joke. I promise.

Y/N: I know

Kyoya Ootori: Okay, good.

Y/N: That was just the face i made when i realized there isn’t a bedbug emoji

"I mean." You shake your head, bringing your attention back to the present. "Are you nervous at all?"

She stops to think about it, head tilted slightly. "No," she finally says, turning to look at you for the first time since you walked in. "Actually, this is the first time I haven't been nervous to spend a heat with someone new. Is that weird?"

"No." The way she says it, so matter of fact, sends an odd pang of sadness through you. You think of how Tamaki looks at her. The way she looks talking about him. Kyoya's certainty when he talked about what a good match they were. "It's not weird at all."

"Really?"

You pour the coffee, and try to smile as you bring it over. "You know I don't know anything about how all of this heat stuff works. But I do know this guy makes you happy, so. As long as he's treating you well, I'm happy." At least that much is true.

"Mh-hm." She gives a little smile, but you can tell her attention is firmly back on her work.

Which reminds you, you should be getting to your own work. You give her a pat on the shoulder. "I'm gonna hit the hay."

She nods. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Anytime. Don't stay up too late."

"I will."

You share a chuckle at that. "I know," you say softly.

As you reach your doorway, she calls out, "Oh, hey—did Kyoya end up dropping off the vitamins the other night?"

You freeze. "Uh, yeah, actually. He did." She doesn't look up, and you decide to test whether or not she's actually listening. "I invited him in to hide from the rain, we split the bottle of vitamins over candlelight and smooth jazz, he ended up staying the night. Super romantic. We're madly in love now. Instead of fighting during class we just make out on the seminar table."

"Cool."

Yeah, she absolutely isn't listening to you. "Yeah. Cool." Probably this is some sort of karma, for how you did the exact same thing to Reese earlier today—mm-hm-ing and yeah, sure-ing your way through a conversation. But it still stings. "Night."

"Night."

Kyoya Ootori: You’re…sad that there’s no bedbug emoji?

Y/N: Thatss a lie, actually

Y/N: Id pay the emoji people every cent in my bank account to never ever create a bedbug emoji

Kyoya Ootori: Noted.

Kyoya Ootori: I hope you had a good day.

You smile.

Y/N: You too. 

Y/N: Enjoy not being sexiled. I'll see you in class tomorrow?

Kyoya Ootori: Likewise. See you then.

Kyoya Ootori: I actually have something I want to talk to you about in person, if you’re free after.

But by the time that last text rolls in, you’ve already washed your face and brushed your teeth and started typing away at your own laptop, phone face down on your nightstand.

*************

Come morning, you've written a paper proposal that you're pretty proud of, actually. Abe was right—you are capable of more than that first effort.

Unfortunately, writing it did take you most of the night. Meaning you only got a few hours of sleep before your alarm went off. You skim your new notifications, only half processing them—until you see an email from TA Abe asking if you can swing by his office hours after class.

Shit.

Did he already read your proposal? Is it really that bad?

Whatever the verdict is, you’re not going to improve anything by skipping class. You drag yourself in and out of the shower, chug some decaf coffee—a placebo for dire situations like these—and run. When you get there, the seminar table is about halfway full. You slide into an empty seat by the windows. When Kyoya comes in, you give him a wave and a smile, which he returns. You're about to gesture that he should take the empty seat next to you—

When Olivia slides into it.

“Morning.” She pulls a lipgloss and tiny mirror out of her bag, touching up her already perfect makeup. God, you wish you were that put together. Even at nine in the morning, she doesn't have a single hair out of place. "Are you still free after class?"

"Yeah—I just have to pop by Abe's office hours super quickly, if that's alright?"

She gives you a thin smile as she snaps the compact shut. "Sure." Before you can respond, she's turned away from you. "Kyoya! Where did you disappear to this weekend? I was…"

You tune her out. It's too early in the morning to eavesdrop, you decide, especially on two-point-five hours of sleep. You'd estimate you have maybe five hours of awake time left in you before you crash, if you're lucky. And that's not even taking into consideration the sheer amount of energy you're going to have to expend trying to get through this meeting with Abe, and this meeting with Olivia, and your actual job.

Class feels ungodly slow. It's not boring, of course—how could it be? But your exhaustion makes you sloppy, combined with how on edge you are about your meeting with Abe. You try your best to keep a low profile. Kyoya must be able to sense you're a bit out of it, because he goes a little easier on you than usual. Or maybe that's just because he remembers your conversation from this weekend, and because Olivia is literally sitting smack in between the two of you.

In any case, you're relieved to make it through class more or less in one piece. When it's done, you stand up, ready to follow Abe and a few other students to his office elsewhere in the building. As you make it to the door, a wave of dizziness overtakes you, and you stumble.

"Woah." Kyoya is there, steadying you with a hand on your shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." You blink. "Sorry, I just had to pull an all-nighter last night."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's nothing." You wave a hand. "I've been taking my multivitamin, so. Iron for days, over here."

He chuckles. "Glad to hear it." He sticks his hands in his pockets.

As he opens his mouth to say something, you glance a ways down the hall, where Olivia is giving you the death glare to end all death glares.

"—work?"

You blink again, and look up at Kyoya. You get the sense that he's expecting you to say something, though you have no idea what. You're about to ask what, but then, there, behind Olivia, Abe disappears into his office. "Work. Yes, office hours and then work. I have to run—sorry—but I'm all good, I promise!"

He says something else, you think, but you're too far down the hall to hear him. Oh, well. It probably wasn't anything important.

*************

You walk into Abe's office just as another student is leaving. Abe looks up and waves you over. 

“(Y/N), hey! Great timing. Have a seat—this’ll only take a second.”

You drop your bag and coat and sit. He’s busy pulling up something on his tablet. You feel more and more like you’re about to throw up with each passing second.

“So,” he finally says. Your stomach clenches. “Got your email. I only had a chance to give it a cursory lookover this morning, but…” He turns off his tablet, puts it onto the table, and gives you a smile. “It’s really good work, (Y/N).”

Your heart leaps into your chest. “Really?”

“Really. Look, I’ve read all the JLT essays for years now, and you’ve always been solid. But this is a step up.” He gives you a thumbs up. “Good job pushing yourself, kid.”

There’s still a lot to do, of course—the deadline for the assignment, and the contest, is less than a month away. But it’s a step in the right direction. It’s amazing what the tiniest bit of academic validation can do—you feel like nothing could possibly bring your mood down.

Not even Olivia, who's in the hall when you come out of Abe's office, still chatting with Kyoya. When she sees you, she waves to you, then leans in closer to Kyoya to say one more thing, her hand resting on his chest. You do your best to look disinterested. The last thing you need to do is give her any more reason to think the two of you are fighting over Kyoya.

After a few more giggles and another long touch to Kyoya's arm, she bounds over to you.

"Sorry about that," she says. "Let's walk?"

You give her a nod, and a tight smile of your own. As she grabs her phone to shoot off a quick text, you can't help but take one glance back at Kyoya. Kyoya, at the other end of the hall. Kyoya, who you still can't quite figure out.

Kyoya, who's looking at you, too.

*************

The planning part goes relatively painlessly. Olivia might be the most organized person you've ever met, with an event binder perfectly sectioned and highlighted in a rainbow of sunset tones. She has all of the forms needed—some for you to sign, others for you to pass along to your upper manager—and knows all of the right questions to ask about time, spacing, cleanup, fees.

"You're really good at this," you tell her, and you mean it. With her help, you've accomplished in five minutes what would take most people hours—weeks, even—to get done. She shrugs. "No, seriously. It's really impressive."

"Oh, this is nothing. My mom is involved in, like, a billion different charities, and I'm the oldest, so I got roped into helping out when I was, like, eight. And all of the planning for this was done already. All there really is to do is transplant all of the catering and things to the new venue. Reese was right about using this place. It's cute."

Was that…a compliment? Not to you directly, but still. "You think?"

"Yeah! Tiny, but cute."

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. She turns a page, seemingly very interested in the binder as she asks, "So, like. How do you know Reese?"

"Huh?" You were expecting her to ask you about Kyoya. But in the twenty minutes you've spent walking to the cafe, and now sitting here, she has yet to bring up his name once.

"I mean, I'm by EpPhi a lot, and I've never seen you around there. And you said you're not pledging or anything."

"Right." This is still a territorial thing, then—just after actual territory, this time, not romantic territory. "No, yeah, I just—we ran into each other at a party, and I guess they were looking to recruit people for the open-night meetings?"

Before she can answer, you hear: "Livvy!"

Both of you look up and are immediately crashed into by a couple of red-headed whirlwinds.

"Hey guys," you say, once Kaoru has released you from his iron grip. "Oh, shit, am I late?"

"What? No way. You have, like, five whole minutes before our shift even starts." Kaoru says, ruffling your hair before turning to address Olivia. "Miss Freidmonte. Never thought we'd catch you on this side of campus."

You look back and forth between them as they start chatting. Before you can ask any questions, a new voice says, "I came here expecting to see one friend, and here's four!" Brighter than the twins, even. "What are the odds?"

Tamaki, radiantly cheerful as always. When he finishes hugging Olivia and each of the twins, he sweeps you up into a bone-crushing hug of your own. "(Y/N)! Long time no see."

"Oh!" You do your best to smile as he pulls away. "Hi!"

"I hope these three aren't giving you a hard time, are they?" He playfully bats one of the twins on the shoulder. You let out a confused laugh.

"No, we just—Hikaru and Kaoru and I work here, and Olivia and I were just going over a project—what brings you here?"

"Oh, Haruhi wanted some coffee, and I thought it would be nice to come say hello! Since I'll be stealing her from you for the next week," he laughs.

"Hi." Peeking out from behind him—Haruhi. She gives you a little wave, which you return. "I'll be out of the house tonight."

"Oh, yeah," you say, your brain almost entirely blank trying to process all of your different worlds colliding at once. "Totally. No worries."

"I picked up eggs, though. And some more tea."

"Thanks. That's—"

"Haruhi," Tamaki interrupts, "have you ever met Olivia?" As the two shake hands, he claps his own together. "So many of my favorite people, all in one place! And (Y/N), you said you two were working on some kind of project, right? Sounds fun."

"Yeah," Olivia says, flipping back a few pages in her binder. "The EpPhi-Triple O joint fundraiser next Friday? We're having it here—you guys should totally come!"

"Next Friday? I might be out—heat leave."

You're shocked once again at how casually he says it. Even more than that, how casually everyone else responds. "Oh, totally," Olivia says, with a sympathetic nod.

"First heat together, huh?" Hikaru says. "That's exciting!"

You are going to be ill if you have to sit through another second of this conversation. You glance at your phone, desperate for some excuse. "Two minutes! I should start getting ready for work." You grab the stack of papers to be signed. "Liv—Olivia—thank you for…" You wave the papers. "I'll email these to you?"

She nods, only half paying attention as she continues explaining the fundraiser. Good enough. You get up to go. Haruhi gives you another muted smile as you leave, and Tamaki another blinding one.

As you walk away, you turn your attention back to your phone, scrolling, scrolling…and see another text from Kyoya. One you'd missed, last night.

Kyoya Ootori: I actually have something I want to talk to you about in person, if you're free after.

Huh.

It was sent a while after his last text to you, too. You start typing.

Y/N: Sorry I missed this. I'll be at Ground Up until 5

Y/N: Is everything ok?

You backspace that last text, but send the first. Almost immediately, three dots pop up as Kyoya starts typing out his response…

Then the three dots disappear.

You stare at your phone.

*************

It can't be anything bad he wants to talk about, right? That's what you tell yourself as you go through the motions of manning the register, checking mobile orders, rinsing shakers. If it was something urgent, he could have told you as much. But you can't imagine anything he'd need to talk to you about that couldn't be discussed over text.

Olivia's still at her table, which isn't exactly helping your nerves. Not that she's looked your way since you went to go clock in. She's still pouring over her binder, cross-checking a page with something on her laptop, occasionally marking something in highlighter or Wite-Out. More fundraiser stuff, probably. Or homework. Tamaki and Haruhi are still here, too, on the other end, sitting at a table pressed up against the windowed wall. It's probably a bit creepy, you know, the way you can't stop sneaking looks at the three of them, but it's either that or keep thinking in circles about Kyoya.

Which you're still doing.

Maybe…maybe it's the breaking heat news?

That's the only thing you can think of. Yeah, surely that's it—you've set yourself up as someone he can complain to about Tamaki and Haruhi, after all. Maybe he just wants to have a vent session. God knows you could probably use one, too.

"Hello? Earth to (Y/N)?"

"Hm?" You look over to see Hikaru putting order stickers on cups and sliding them over to his brother.

"You've been washing out that one shaker for, like, two minutes straight."

"Oh." You shake your head, grabbing a towel to dry it off. "Sorry."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Nickel?" Kaoru immediately tries to one-up him.

"Dime?" Hikaru counters without missing a beat.

"Quarter?"

You roll your eyes. "Livvy, huh?" They both just shrug. "So you guys just know everybody, now, is what I'm gathering."

Kaoru snorts. "We don't know everybody. You just happen to know nobody, which is why it seems like we know a lot of people by comparison."

"That's true," Hikaru says. "Although, she said you're helping her with this fundraiser thing?"

"Yep."

"(Y/N)!" He slaps you on the back so hard you almost drop the cup you're holding. "Look at you, going out and socializing! Trying new things! Can you believe it, Kaoru?"

"It's not a big de—"

Kaoru places a hand over his heart and sniffs. "They grow up so fast."

"You guys—"

"I'm just so honored we get to see it happen." They both step away from you, wearing identical expressions of mischief. "Although…"

You cross your arms. "What?"

"You still won't tell us who your mystery date was on Saturday."

"Oh, my God."

"You know, I just…" Hikaru lets out a huge, exaggerated sigh. "I thought we were friends, (Y/N)."

"No." You shake your head, turning away from them both, even as an unwelcome smile plays at the corners of your mouth. "None of that."

"I thought the countless hours we spent toiling away here meant something."

"I guess not."

"Kaoru, not you, too," you groan. "Guys. Seriously. We had this conversation. You thought it was Reese Barlow, right? So, sure. It was Reese Barlow."

"Nice try," says Hikaru.

"Yeah. No way we actually fall for that."

You press your lips more tightly together. They look at each other and sigh in unison.

"Such a shame," Hikaru says, shaking his head. "I guess we'll just have to ask Haruhi."

Your head snaps up. "Sorry?"

They both nod towards the far corner of the cafe, where Haruhi and Tamaki are still seated. Or no, sorry, just Tamaki is seated.

Because Haruhi is on her feet and walking towards the counter.

[claudiajcregg]

s5pAU (a folder with many “Chapter XX” inside) for the WIP ask meme?

Welp, I forgot I hadn't answered these! Apologies! (These are from this WIP ask meme.)

s5pAU is my short way of referring to “S5 Pregnancy AU,” and it's… what it says on the tin! Sort of. Basically, the entire ridiculous concept is “what if CJ got pregnant at the end of S4?” (Around Zoey's kidnapping, in this case.) It's 11 chapters so far, with only a bit of 12 written… And it was my main WIP for the better part of 2023, even if I took months here and there.

(I had written a lot of unneccesary backstory that I've tried my best to summarize into the important parts. It's still long, sorry. It's just been the WIP, for most of 2023. It's sitting at over 76k words already!)

I have a note on my phone with a list of most ideas I kept having while rewatching the show last year. This one was part of it, and it jumped at me for how ridiculous it is. I recall having a mental image of a scene that was too OOC, but could work, around late February? Early March? It's definitely not a realistic idea, but there was something about some of her moments in S5 that I felt would be interesting (and not that different) to explore under new circumstances.

Before I started writing it properly in June, I did a few outlines (two detailed ones, in March and April), with the idea of having 1-2 chapters per semester, maybe some interludes here and there. I also started a playlist with ✨ vibes ✨, but though I thought a lot about it… I wasn't really writing it. Until I just needed to get so much stuff out of my head.

If I had to say, I think it is following the outline, but also not… Because I am being far more detailed than I intended to be, the show's actual timeline is a mess (not that the one I tried to create is better, but at least I know what month it is), and some story beats happened differently, hopefully still organically.

Anyway. This is boring. It still doesn't have a proper title, not that I'd change the folder's name (not really); it's not done (haven't written anything new since November, and it goes for everything); I could see this becoming some sort of series/universe by the nature of it.

Snippet! The part I always feel most self-conscious about. (Can't remember if this is the snippet I posted on the server, forever ago.)

“What’s up, Daniel? I was about to… Can’t it wait?” “It could,” he conceded with a dejected expression. One that told her this was hard to broach. “I didn’t even notice the time.” C.J. didn’t move, awaiting whatever it was that he was going to say. “And well?” She moved a stray strand of hair from her eyes. She couldn’t wait until her hair finally grew out, that was for sure. “You planning to stand there all night?” “I have to go, C.J. I have to go back to my post.” Whatever retort she had thought up for the first part died on her lips when she heard the second part. Her heart sank, and she chided herself. The second she had believed this day to be ordinary had been her first mistake: once you perceived anything as ordinary, you should know the universe would make it so it was anything but.